Misogynists inadvertently endorse ‘#twittersilence’

Figures released show the vast majority of alcohol-fuelled women-haters have a tendency to sleep through the majority of any given Sunday. The ‘silence’ which was supposed to mark an act of solidarity for decency and equality, has been unintentionally embraced by lazy bigots.

‘Did something happen online?’ asked one confused male. ‘What with the start of the football season, the Ashes in full swing and my BMW needing a wash; Sunday has just passed me by. Where’s my roast by the way?’ Furiously typing throughout the day, one blogger said: ‘I demand that misogynists pay attention to my absence from the internet, so that I can pointedly ignore them!’

IMAGE: https://pixabay.com/users/sammy-sander-10634669/

Feng Shui is just Chinese for ‘Health & Safety’

After decades of rearranging the furniture, translators have revealed that Chinese Geomancy was just a set of rules to stop you bumping into the furniture. Complex instructions about airflow were actually to do with your gas fire needing a flue.

Explained one Feng Shui expert: ‘When building a property, who cares about positive energy, first check that it’s not built on swampland. You don’t need magic crystals to make sure your plumbing works. And when we said make it south facing, it was to stop your neighbours staring into your bedroom’.

https://pixabay.com/photos/room-interior-showpiece-design-1336497/

EU response on Russian sanctions isn't swift

.