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'Admittedly we’ve received a lot of bad press recently,' said one jaded Executive. 'What with all the explosions, asbestosis, suicide nets blah, blah blah. But we’re the good guys, right? We’re the reason that your smart phones are so cheap. Which is when our PR boys said we should try some paradoxical marketing. Use the love of cheap phones and apps to our advantage – bingo!'
All indentured staff will wear brightly coloured overalls and refer to themselves as 'Candy'. Phrases like 'Death Trap' will be banned from the work place and replaced with more positive descriptors such as 'Liquorice Tower'. Instead of fire alarms there will be a deep, sultry American voice saying 'Delicious!' While Striped Candy will shower the CEO every time corporate tax is avoided or a fair-trade competitor goes bust.
‘And when we clear out the 'dead' candies, we can start all over again!'
IMAGE: https://pixabay.com/users/pexels-2286921/
The book world was rocked to its very foundations today as a new study claimed avuncular Hogwarts Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, and Middle Earth’s uber-wizard Gandalf, are in fact one and the same person, posing the prickly question - wouldn’t just one of them been perfectly adequate to symbolise the ultimate force for good against evil in both series of the blockbusting sagas?
The study comes following an exhaustive three-year examination of all known texts of Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings.
Professor Rachel Saunders who led the project told journalists: ‘Dumbledore and Gandalf are the same person. Of that there is no doubt in my mind whatsoever. The facts are there. Both have long hair and big bushy beards. Both dress in robes, and quite crucially in the team’s view, both wear funny hats. I mean come on. Have you ever seen them together in the same room? Well exactly, there you are then.’
JRR Tolkien was unavailable for comment but sources close to Harry Potter author, JK Rowling, said that the claim as "pure and unadulterated rubbish. This is a preposterous suggestion. Dumbledore is the Headmaster of a fictional witchcraft and wizarding school, whereas everyone knows Gandalf is the lead singer of The Boomtown Rats.’
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