Syrians flee A-level reforms

Hundreds of Syrians have fled coastal areas attempting to escape Michael Gove’s relentless changes to the sixth form sector. BBC reporters in neighbouring Lebanon said: 'Middle class parents are pulling their children out of the public sector as fast as they can.

‘Gruesome videos posted on the web appeared to show massacres of schemes of work and lesson plan cleansing. Mass graves of IB, BTEC and GCSE have been found alongside mutilated and burnt A/S syllabuses. Red Cross observers have referred to it as the act of brutal dictator, obsessed with creationism and Latin vocab.'

Third Reich distances itself from UKIP

A UKIP branch organizer, defended her party: ‘It’s not that we don’t like racists, we just don’t like racists that attract media attention. In the same way we don’t hate all immigrants…just immigrants to this country.

'Our members are definitely not a Nazis…definitely not…no Nazis here….although just saying Nazi again and again makes you think that maybe there is…oops, my bad!'

Prince Redacted has a redacted

Shhhhh someone has done something naughty, or not, but no one can ever know about it okay? Meanwhile, Buckingham Palace has been threatening injunctions, D notices and three months in the Tower of London - thumbs screws as optional.

The rest of the world has been treated to salacious gossip, while the UK has had to make do with dick picks of David Attenborough - which disappointingly are just photos of him with his brother. Grumbled one humble peasant: 'What, is there is something juicy I don't know about? Oh, come on, tell me. I won't blab, honest.'

A palace insider confirmed: 'He's had a bit of blankety blank with a beeeeep and beeeeeep. Needless to say redacted is furious about the error404 page not found.'

Prince Andrew said: 'It's not me is it?'

'Ditch the private jet journeys' Prince tells climate activists	Available from Amazon	Boris and Carrie Round Robin letter 2021