.
top of page
Search
The ‘Go Bananas’ monkey sanctuary in Dorset is at the centre of criticism from both animal welfare experts and visitors, after it was revealed that an initiative to provide cutting-edge, 21st century facilities for resident primates encountered a series of problems.
As Peter Cooper, Head Keeper, explained, “Monkeys are sophisticated and complex higher primates who love life and have a passion for adventure and new experiences. Unfortunately, we don’t really have the staff, or the money to give them that, so earlier this year we thought, ‘F*ck it, we could just get them the latest 4K televisions, take advantage of 6 month discount subscription to Netflix and let them binge-watch some mind-rotting TV like their human equivalents. What could go wrong?’
To begin with, feedback from both keepers and the park’s guests to the initiative were positive, despite the odd riot or two over the ownership of the remote control. However, by the beginning of July the situation had changed for the worse.
“We were starting to get complaints about some of the animals' behaviour in front of the guests, particularly if the guests were discussing anything television-related', noted Simon Lewis-Briggs, duty manager. “For example, Bobo the gorilla, 'overheard' two girls discussing some American reality TV show and he started covering his ears and grunting something that sounded very much like, ‘No spoilers, no spoilers!’, and begun baring his teeth and banging on the glass of the enclosure.
“Now the primates won't leave their inner enclosures at all, unless to feed or shit. And sometimes not even then - when they got hold of the last series of The Crown, we didn't see them for days.
Amidst falling ticket sales, the attraction’s management team have worked hard to make the best of the situation. 'We've installed interactive booths at every enclosure so the kids can watch what is not happening and then vote on whether they think the monkeys are still alive', continued Lewis-Briggs. ‘Dead or Escaped: You Decide’ is bringing it home!
Not all visitors have been positive about the changes, however. As one indicated, “Like the majority of people who come here I don’t give a shit about monkeys, today I’ve spent all my time, smoking, drinking coffee and shouting at kids.” Whilst another, Judy Little, said. “I don’t know what the fuss is all about. Staring mindlessly for hours at an enclosure waiting expectedly for some animals to do something isn’t much different from watching Love Island.”
DGreen
Image by Vinson Tan ( 楊 祖 武 ) from Pixabay
‘Get on a 270 bus at Wandsworth and it wouldn’t be surprising to see Charlie at the wheel’, revealed a childhood pal after the news of the Stones famously down-to-earth drummer’s passing. ‘He never forgot his bus routes, despite the fame and wealth. Even in the middle of a UK tour he’d sneak off to go down Lambeth Garage and climb aboard.’
‘Even when Mick and Murray Unfaithful were getting in deep in the interplanetary confectionery business, Charlie’s preference was for a small portion of whelks. Even when Keef joined the Taliban cos he liked the funny clobber and their prices for smack were reasonable if you bought in bulk, Charlie preferred a shandy and a three piece worsted from Cecil Gee. And while other drummers needed local authority planning permission to set up their drum kits, Charlie was perfectly at home with a family-size Quality Street tin and some chop sticks, hence his inimitable pared down style and his fondness for hard centres. And he was married to his Mrs throughout their time together as man and wife, even when the rest of the band succumbed to the charms of ‘gropies’ and one night music stands and all spent the night together.’
Now Watts will take his place in the Repercussion Hall of Fame alongside Keith Moo, Bloody Rich, Ginger ‘Biscuits’ and that one from the Police who isn’t even dead yet.
Image by Jordan Holiday from Pixabay
bottom of page