Queen prefers Soviet national anthem to ours, says Palace insider

According to a royal insider, Her Majesty, The Queen is an avid fan of the Russian national anthem and has been in talks with the government to have it adopted as the anthem of Great Britain and Northern Ireland in place of, God Save The Queen, that Her Majesty has often described to friends and family as 'A bloody awful dirge'

The Queen apparently considers the Russian anthem, 'Госудáрственный гимн Росси́йской Федерáции', 'nice and catchy' and has been seen at international events, including, the soccer World Cup and the London 2012 Olympics, humming and tapping her foot whenever it is played.

It is widely believed that The Queen has always hated the British anthem and has stubbornly refused to learn the words, citing the fact that she never has to sing it herself.

A spokesman at the Russian Embassy in London told us: "We don't blame The Queen for disliking her own national anthem. It's far too slow and downbeat and the lyrics are an absolute joke, apart from the bit about scattering your enemies, which we're all in favour of.

"I doubt if President Putin would let her use ours though. He's very proud of it and often sings it in the bathroom after Russia has been involved in provocative behaviour internationally, like sending fighter jets into NATO airspace and stuff like that"

The Queen's father, King George VI, was also believed to have harboured an intense dislike of the anthem and was once seen mouthing the words: "Oh for f*ck's sake, not this again" as the band struck up the opening bars during a state visit to The Virgin Islands in 1946.

Latin phrases in the modern idiom

A short Newsbiscuit guide to encourage students to enjoy Latin:

Ars longa vita brevis: Your bum looks big in those shorts.

E Pluribus unum: he only has one ball.

Et al: Scoffed the lot.

Mobile vulgus: swearing down the phone.

Ultra vires: Covid-19.

Fiat lux: pimped car.

Confiteor: more comfortable.

Ignis fatuus: light your farts.

Extempore: in full-time work

Ad hoc: Try this German wine.

Alibi: Somewhere to pull over in an A-Road

Bona fide: Not a Sémillon

Per se: Grainger

Pro bono: U2 fan

Quod erat demonstrandum: This is how you ride a Four-wheeled motor bike

Verbatim: He was eaten by a verb

Vice versa: Smoking roll-up spliffs made with pages ripped out of old poetry books.

Ehu fugaces - lost those car keys again. Tempus fugit - time to f*@k off

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum - Still goalless after 90 minutes

Audere est facere - Audrey is farcical

Victoria concordia crescit - Peace in our time Superbia in Proelio - Put up with the proles Ludere Causa Ludendi - Only if the cause is ludicrous

Caveat emptor - my 1990s Vauxhall has run out of petrol

Veni, vidi, vici: Oh balls, you know, the Italian place with all the canals

A posteriori: An Apple e-bottom

Ab absurdo: Really tight six-pack

Ad nauseam: Buy Gaviscon today

Alter ego: The Pope

Camera obscura: "Has anyone seen my Nikon?"

Cum laude: Noisy neighbours

Ecce homo: "Hello, I'm Julian and this is my friend Sandy"

Ex cathedra: Notre Dame

Ex officio: Matt Hancock

In absentia: Boris Johnson

Sic semper tyrannis - Look! Dinosaur vomit!

Astra inclinant, sed non obligant - My Vauxhall has a flat tyre and can't move

Extrema ratio - 7349275625/451610727649836

Fac simile - Don't f*@ing grin at me

Nemo malus felix - Cat ate the annoying fish

Obit anis, abit onus - Rimming with false teeth

Arte et Labore : The beautiful game combined with earnest endeavour, only available at Blackburn Rovers

Alias dictus: Nigel Farage's logon name.

Argumentum ad absurdum: GB News interview.

Facile princeps: Harry Windsor.

Pro forma: ex sportsman.

Vade mecum: watch me have an orgasm.

Vivat rex: Got to get my dog to the vet, asap. In loco, parentis: My Dad is a train driver Lux in Domino: Who the Hell ordered soap as a pizza topping? Sic transit gloria: get out of the van as soon as I stop in the next lay by Ad nauseum: Feel a bit better now Quo vadis - their latest protest song about football regulation, usual 3 chords In loco parentis: Mum and dad have gone bonkers Inter alia: I like sci fi creatures. Cui bono - trying to attract the attention of U2 Cum laude - noisy sex Et tu Brute - Your aftershave is too strong Quid pro quo - I'll give you a pound for that 80s rock album Nemo me impune lacessit - Finding Nemo Inter alia - football club in serie B Ars gratia artis - great arses in paintings Prima facie: Wearing heavy makeup. Non sequitur: French horse refuses fence Inter alia: Alia is the one for me Carpe diem: it's a dead fish Ergo: she popped out to the toilet Cogito ergo sum: I think that's the 2nd time she popped out to the toilet Status quo: the band hasn't broken up yet Verbatim: "Come on Tim !" Pedem refero - I need to find a podiatrist

Lockjaw54, Al Opecia, granger, Max Stars, SteveB, Sinnick, Midfield Diamond, Nickb, stewartbarclay, Robowurzel,

Education Minister proposes adding spells to national curriculum.

Harry Potter Spells are to be taught at state schools across England in an effort to counter the subject’s reputation as one that is “elitist” and largely taught at private Magical schools.

A £14m Department for Education (DfE) scheme will initially be sprinkled over across 40 schools as part of a four-year pilot programme for 11- to 16-year-olds starting in September 2022.

According to a British Council survey, Harry Potter Spells are taught at key stage three in less than 3% of state schools, compared with 49% of independent schools.

The education secretary, Gavin Williamson, said: “We know Spells have a reputation as an elitist subject which is only reserved for the privileged few. But the subject can bring so many benefits to young people, so I want to put an end to that divide.”

He added that there should be “no difference in what pupils learn at state schools and independent schools”, adding: “Which is why we have a relentless focus on raising school standards and ensuring all pupils study a broad, ambitious curriculum.”

Spells, Williamson said, can help students with learning languages and other fictitious subjects such as Finance, Postmodernism and Latin.

As well as language teaching, the Spells Excellence Programme will also include visits to Magical heritage sites to provide pupils with a greater understanding of Wiccan and the ancient world, the DfE said.

It is hoped that it will increase the number of students taking Magic at GCSE, and introduce Magical Thinking to the national political debate.