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Health secretary Matt Hancock has today announced the current 'Hands, Face, Space' campaign will be scrapped in favour of an edgier and more popular slogan : 'Snog, Grope, Apologise'.
This latest development, signalling the next step on the lockdown roadmap, has been met with a swell of support amongst Tory members.
Boris Johnson is reportedly 'delighted' and will be doing his very best to abide by the advice: 'We are urging the public to have a good old fumble and canoodle - especially extramarital groping with colleagues or acquaintances. But we must be clear - people are to do so 'with caution'. Because, as always, it isn't our fault if it goes tits up...pun fully intended'.
Hancock has been 'leading from the front' having already accosted a nearby aide for a vomit-inducing snog and grope combo. He then swiftly moved on to step three - issuing a heartfelt apology to his 'true love' his 'soulmate' - Prime Minister Boris Johnson.
Matt Hancock's wife is reportedly working on her own campaign slogan, containing words such as 'cheating' 'bastard' 'and 'divorce'.
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