Tiger Woods to be Trump's Middle East envoy
"He plays golf, he is behaving in an increasingly erratic way and he has convictions to his name," a spokes-putter for President Trump told reporters at Mar-a-Lago. "Tiger Woods therefore seems the perfect representative for the President in peace talks with Iran. "The only problem may be that Mr Woods attended the prestigious Stanford University. "He might therefore bring intelligence and reasoning to the negotiations, rather than the blundering, pig-ignorant clown show that
McSweeney's phone stolen by Yeti
The disgraced Chief of Staff insisted that it would be impossible to recover, as it had been abducted by aliens, swallowed by the Loch Ness Monster and had dropped through a wormhole in space. The phone, which contained incriminating messages, was unavoidably unavailable and would remain so "if it knew what was good for it". Cynics suggested McSweeney was covering up evidence, and that Yetis preferred Android devices to iPhones. Nevertheless, the phone is utterly gone, along
