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Questions raised about King's Blue Peter badge

King Charles has been given a Blue Peter badge for protecting nature and the environment. But Blue Peter viewers are not sure that the award is deserved, and are concerned about the BBC's motivation. 'We're not stupid,' said Noah, aged 7. ' We've all done Key Stage 1 Media Studies. We know that charter renewal is coming up. And we know that there is a tension between the palace and the Beeb. The BBC has covered Andrew's childish behaviour extensively, and they've also given a

deskpilot

Rated Top 10 in the world of satire

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Starmer brings back paganism with civil service sacrifices

The Prime Minister is to reintroduce 2,000 year-old pagan religion to Britain and has already started by making the first human sacrifice. Prime Druid Sir Keir Starmer performed the Celtic-style ritual at the Despatch Box in the Commons on a pleasantly boring civil servant called Sir Olly Robbins. Starmer wished to appease the gods, having suffered terrible misfortunes after appointing Lord Mandelson as UK ambassador. "Those gods must have really had it in for High Priest Sta

Jeremynh

Bram Stoker confesses: I was wrong about crucifixes

Bram Stoker’s ghost has issued an apology after lodging the idea in people’s minds that crucifixes repel vampires and might be a symbol of virtue. ‘After watching America for a few years, and more recently Russell Brand, it seems that I was 180 degrees wrong about the Sign of the Cross’, his ghost told mediums. ‘It’s clearly displayed by the worst humans ever to befoul the earth. Sorry, my bad. ‘ I would also like to apologise for the poverty of my imagination. I honestly bel

Sully

The end of the world is on hold while markets are so volatile

The Grim Reaper has put his scythe aside for the time being and is looking at working to rule. 'It's always been my intention to team up with the four horsemen and take all humanity out in one big swing,' he said today, 'and to be honest I thought my time had come. the orange leader in the US was threatening to deploy nuclear weapons, was talking about destroying entire civilisations and, critically, seemed to have zero appreciation that these things tend to go badly. 'But t

Throngsman

Caption Competition

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Caption Competition 1st May 2026

To enter the competition sign up to our Writer's Room - and add your entry here https://newsbiscuit.proboards.com/board/5/caption-competition The closing date will be Friday night or when our Editor 'gets their arse into gear'. The winner will be selected in a frustratingly arbitrary and capricious way. The Judge’s verdict is final and has probably been influenced by bribery. Late entries will be late. The winning caption will be posted and preserved on Newsbiscuit, with t

Come back to Epstein Island soon, you all!

WINNER: jeremynh RUNNERS UP Mary decided against the sightseeing trip to the Straits of Hormuz Sinnick Labour MP waves goodbye to its floating voters robfalconer

Wild Frankfurter Swallows Couple Whole.

Winner: MrQ Runners-Up: "Kiss of life lessons, part 69." (Granger); "Labour keeps its promise to "go down hard" on small boat traffickers." (Sydalg).

Breaking News

Whack job president calls gunman a whack job

Washington chef regrets serving bang bang chicken

UK recognises Mexico's right to Texas

If Andrew is jailed , will his prison get a Royal warrant ?

Hollywood studios drafted in to sex up Hormuz blockade

To a gangster every treaty looks like a protection racket

USA visit, King Charles told 'don't miss'

Trump offers to sell Falklands to Argentina

Features

Our guide to the Grand National runners 2026

As the evenings lighten, the attention of the horse racing community turns to Aintree, and the traditional competition to provide the most ludicrously-named entry in this year's Grand National. Bet on any of these at your own risk... Over by Easter An American nag, much-hyped but seems not to know where the winning post is, so not expected to finish as fast as the owners suggest. High likelihood of casualties. 1000-1 Over a Barrel Middle Eastern rival to Over by Easter,

Sir Lupus

Cartoons

Tonight on Trump Movies©: Man of La Mancha

Falkland Island penguins to be given vote

Ukraine talks snagged on a matter of protocol

'Oh what a tangled web we weave ...'

From the Archive

Man intrigued by square wombat poo, designs stool extrusion attachment

A former New Jersey school superintendent who admitted to regularly pooping on school playing fields has developed a device that fits into the anus to enable poo to be extruded in a variety of unusual shapes. The man who now works as a cake decorator had his eureka moment when he read an article about square wombat plops and realised he would never have been caught if his turds were in aesthetically pleasing form. While applying royal icing to a wedding cake, it occurred to h

How Prince Louis' wheelbarrow differs from the one the young King rode in

Prince Louis was photographed, on his fifth birthday, in a more comfortable, relatively modern, wheelbarrow than the traditional Royal single wheeled garden cart. The Gold State Wheel barrow has been used in every royal birthday photoshoot since the 1830s which William IV used to push his niece, Victoria, round the Buckingham Palace croquet lawn. The new Diamond Jubilee Wheelbarrow is much more modern than it appears, with air conditioning, electric windows and up-to-date sus

Nurses release their Christmas charity single eight months early

After the rejection of the latest pay offer by members, and in anticipation of strikes until the end of the year, the nurses union has just released its charity Christmas single, eight months early. A spokesperson said that the money from sales of the single will be used to help nurses with their food and energy bills. The charity single is a reworking of the 12 days of Christmas and celebrates daily life in the NHS. The lyrics are as follows On the twelfth day of Christmas,

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Politics

Starmer brings back paganism with civil service sacrifices

Bram Stoker confesses: I was wrong about crucifixes

Influencers rebranded Outfluencers

Futureologist channel marketing guru, MadeiraWhine69 explained in snooty tones, 'Rather like the difference between inflow and outflow to one's home, an Influencer is really an Outfluents pipe of sewage, pumping rampant consumerism to the hypnotically challenged. The ins and outs of an industry which operates more as an outdustry are that incomes are responsible for catastrophic global outcomes.' So self absorbed by the way their looks might be perceived by millions of follow

Consumers blast ‘ready to eat’ pears scam

Trading Standards officers have been inundated with complaints about ‘ready to eat’ pears. Customers say that, despite paying twice the price of ordinary pears, ready-to-eat pears are often anything but. ‘It’s obviously a scam,’ says pear-loving Colin Froot from Dorset. ‘You buy regular pears in bulk, repackage them as ‘ready-to-eat’ and double the price. Instant profit. It’s the same dodgy crew that buy ordinary eggs and repackage them as free-range. ‘I’m fed up with buy

Science
&
Business

Lifestyle

New era as Adam and Eve replace The Serpent as Apple boss

Adam and Eve, the current heads of the Garden of Eden shortly, will take over on 1 September and The Serpent will be cursed to crawl on its belly as executive chairman. The Serpent will stay as chief executive through the summer to work with Adam and Eve on the transition from nudity, to being fully clothed. After that it will "assist with certain aspects such as banishment from the garden, introducing death and manual labour". This follows months of speculation that the Appl

Tufty Club offers safety tips for ships crossing the Strait of Hormuz

The International Maritime Organisation is bringing back Tufty the Squirrel to offer advice to ships' captains as they try and make it through the perilous Strait of Hormuz. "Look right, look left, then look right ahead," says the iconic cartoon character - the star of British TV road safety films in the 1960s and 1970s - in a series of recent Instagram posts. "Listen out for the sound of missiles or drones," continues the perky Tufty, "and always tell a grown-up where you're

Council reaps the benefits of using AI

West Wartley District Council has sacked all twenty staff from its complaints department and has replaced them with AI. The council says that early results are 'very encouraging'. Residents say that the AI is talking through its electronic bottom, and gave us the following examples of rubbish replies: Dear Mrs Snibbs, thank you for your delectable complaint about potholes. The council has a zero tolerance policy on all drugs, including pot. Accordingly, the council will not b

Manager insisting on calling any skill a 'secret sauce'

A middle manager is annoyingly and slightly weirdly insisting on calling even the most basic competence amongst his team their 'secret sauce'

Local News

Questions raised about King's Blue Peter badge

Pulling hair, Chinese burns and Kiss Chase to be banned say FA

An FA disciplinary panel has said hair pulling, Chinese burns and Kiss Chase should not be tolerated and will be considered a bookable offence during the 2026-27 season The panel stopped short of banning other childish games and pastimes but warned playground pursuits such as British Bulldogs and Hop Scotch could eventually be included to the list if they started creeping into the game.. A spokesman for the FA said that the pulling of hair was an ‘infringement’ and players ne

Sport
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Entertainment

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Inside the BBC's political bunker

Classic News:

If you like these headlines from our archive, why not join our writing team?

Questions raised about King's Blue Peter badge

Do you have a performance or comic writing you would like our help to promote?

Publishing:

Starmer brings back paganism with civil service sacrifices

Bram Stoker confesses: I was wrong about crucifixes

The end of the world is on hold while markets are so volatile

​

Do you have a performance or comic writing you would like our help to promote?

Caption Competition 1st May 2026

Come back to Epstein Island soon, you all!

Wild Frankfurter Swallows Couple Whole.

Whack job president calls gunman a whack job

Washington chef regrets serving bang bang chicken

UK recognises Mexico's right to Texas

If Andrew is jailed , will his prison get a Royal warrant ?

Hollywood studios drafted in to sex up Hormuz blockade

To a gangster every treaty looks like a protection racket

USA visit, King Charles told 'don't miss'

Trump offers to sell Falklands to Argentina

Our guide to the Grand National runners 2026

Tonight on Trump Movies©: Man of La Mancha

Falkland Island penguins to be given vote

Ukraine talks snagged on a matter of protocol

'Oh what a tangled web we weave ...'

Man intrigued by square wombat poo, designs stool extrusion attachment

How Prince Louis' wheelbarrow differs from the one the young King rode in

Nurses release their Christmas charity single eight months early

Our annual for 2021-22

Starmer brings back paganism with civil service sacrifices

Bram Stoker confesses: I was wrong about crucifixes

Influencers rebranded Outfluencers

Consumers blast ‘ready to eat’ pears scam

New era as Adam and Eve replace The Serpent as Apple boss

Tufty Club offers safety tips for ships crossing the Strait of Hormuz

Council reaps the benefits of using AI

Manager insisting on calling any skill a 'secret sauce'

Questions raised about King's Blue Peter badge

Pulling hair, Chinese burns and Kiss Chase to be banned say FA