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Trump shooting suspect released without charge after attempting 'regime change'

Security forces had no choice but to release the armed man who attempted to assassinate US President Donald Trump after he claimed he was only trying to bring about ‘regime change’ at the head of US politics. The gunman pointed out that either killing or kidnapping elected leaders of foreign countries was exactly how the USA chose to bring about regime change at the top and was only following Donald Trump’s lead. After a brief discussion behind closed doors White House offici

Gerontius

Rated Top 10 in the world of satire

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1hr marathon a realistic next target

An impatient public are unimpressed by Sabastian Sawe's world record and have demanded that he up his game. Said one bored spectator, 'Once you've broken the two hour mark, surely the next landmark is one hour? Trimming minutes off it is bull$hit, he's not trying. Has he thought about sprinting instead of jogging?' To help him, the public have made useful suggestions, such as running down hill, trying half the distance or even a relay? There is a growing sense that the marath

Wrenfoe

Soaring gas prices cause Crips, Bloods to carpool for drive-bys

(Los Angeles) Citing a recent dramatic spike in gas prices, leaders of several Los Angles Crips and Bloods sets say they will now share rides for some gang related activities, including drive bys. ‘We might not follow the law in many cases, but we are subject to economic laws just like everyone else,’ said Leeron “Li’l Money’ Waters, an economic advisor for the Crips. Many Bloods agree. ‘Affordability is real; the struggle is real,” said a Bloods member on the condition of an

bbi

US death penalty expanded to include crucifixion

The United States has added crucifixion to the methods of killing human beings in the name of justice. The move addresses criticism that electrocution, poison gas and lethal injection are not sufficiently barbaric for the moralistic, evangelical supporters of the death penalty. ‘Nailing criminals to crosses and leaving them to die in horrific pain is what a modern civilised society demands’ said a Department of Justice official. Democrats were also supportive of crucifixion f

Midfield Diamond

Caption Competition

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Caption Competition 1st May 2026

To enter the competition sign up to our Writer's Room - and add your entry here https://newsbiscuit.proboards.com/board/5/caption-competition The closing date will be Friday night or when our Editor 'gets their arse into gear'. The winner will be selected in a frustratingly arbitrary and capricious way. The Judge’s verdict is final and has probably been influenced by bribery. Late entries will be late. The winning caption will be posted and preserved on Newsbiscuit, with t

Come back to Epstein Island soon, you all!

WINNER: jeremynh RUNNERS UP Mary decided against the sightseeing trip to the Straits of Hormuz Sinnick Labour MP waves goodbye to its floating voters robfalconer

Wild Frankfurter Swallows Couple Whole.

Winner: MrQ Runners-Up: "Kiss of life lessons, part 69." (Granger); "Labour keeps its promise to "go down hard" on small boat traffickers." (Sydalg).

Breaking News

Argies plan to refloat the Belgrano

FBI advise Charles to tape his ears down

World champion campanologist may have used a ringer

Charles to Trump: "What say we just make it a phone call instead?"

Trump shooting brought back milkshake horror, says Farage

Bullets refuse to engage with Donald Trump

Met to investigate after Kenyan national chased through streets of London

King and Queen to welcome Charles and Camilla to US

Features

Pirate Booty, Bear Insurance, & Poop - NewsBiscuit Podcast 60

Episode 60: Pirate Booty, Bear Insurance, & Poop https://youtu.be/0dDY2OdcKHA https://open.spotify.com/episode/2Rus1lY5JSRzK9gXTojjC0?si=ZRjcNOiGRlOytHp53zu7vQ Comedy news from NewsBiscuit Featuring Guests: Dan Sweryt, Sparkly Bob & Paul L Host: Wrenfoe. April-May 2026 http://www.newsbiscuit.com/ We are also listed on Sticher, Pocket Casts, Deezer, Listen Notes, Podcast Addict & Castbox, YouTube, Spotify, Apple iPlayer Podcast, Amazon Music &Anchor

NewsBiscuit

Cartoons

Embarassing moment whilst taking tea at the White House

How Victorian Cockneys have influenced political discourse

KC and Cam prepare for US visit

Birmingham bin strike may soon be over

From the Archive

Elon Musk buys #EveFartlow for $44bn

Seth Rogan, who has a 50% stake in the tweet, will split the proceeds with the 3 year old who originally came up with the pun. Mr. Musk has said he will also make a similar bid for the Rooney/Vardy spat and $0.37 for Ed Balls Day. His accountant explained: 'Elon is purchasing iconic Twitter moments, which is pretty much anything involving Kim Kardashian and clickbait of cheerleaders. $44bn is a bargain if it means Elon can take Covfefe home with him'. Image from Pixabay by s7

Rees-Mogg embroiled in 'office stove fuel row' with cabinet colleagues and civil servants

Following recent visits in and around the government's Whitehall offices, Minister for Brexit Opportunities (whatever that is), Jacob Rees-Mogg, is said to have been 'discomfited and dismayed' to find many civil servants were not at their desks, preferring instead to continue to work from home. Upon discovering this, Mr Rees-Mogg is understood to have left individual notes for when the officers return. NewsBiscuit has obtained a copy of the note. Dear ***** I was quite thorou

Twitter launches bid to buy Elon Musk

The owners of online pub car park, Twitter, have taken a break from egging on fights between punters to launch a whip round to buy celebrity entrepreneur Elon Musk, to add to their collection of freakshow exhibits. Twitter's Board of Directors announced yesterday that they had raised $132bn from the tips jar and the condom machine in the gents, which should be enough to buy most of his body and remaining hair, but leaving out his genitals, nostrils and brain 'for obvious reas

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NewsBiscuit – has done to journalism what flat earthers have done to NASA. It has redefined the word truth, beaten it to death and buried it in an undisclosed location. This collection of stories from 2013-17 walks a fine line between absolute twaddle and actionable slander. NewsBiscuit – real fake news.

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Politics

Trump shooting suspect released without charge after attempting 'regime change'

Renters' Rights: Landlords now legally entitled to souls

LONDON — Following the introduction of the new Renters’ Rights Act, which comes into full force on 1 May 2026, the government has moved to reassure private property owners that they will still be able to subject tenants to unspeakable horrors, marking a triumphant return to traditional Victorian landlord-tenant dynamics. While the legislation technically bans "no-fault evictions" and converts all tenancies to rolling periodic contracts, landlords have been granted sweeping ne

Soaring gas prices cause Crips, Bloods to carpool for drive-bys

Influencers rebranded Outfluencers

Futureologist channel marketing guru, MadeiraWhine69 explained in snooty tones, 'Rather like the difference between inflow and outflow to one's home, an Influencer is really an Outfluents pipe of sewage, pumping rampant consumerism to the hypnotically challenged. The ins and outs of an industry which operates more as an outdustry are that incomes are responsible for catastrophic global outcomes.' So self absorbed by the way their looks might be perceived by millions of follow

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Lifestyle

Thames Water could win Turner Prize

The nominations for the 2026 Turner Prize have just been announced, include a surprise entry from Thames Water. While most of the nominations are from the usual list radical, up-and-coming, and angry young artists, the Thames Water entry is the first one by a company. Some artists are shocked (and angry), and believe that the corporate entry is a sell out that goes against the spirit of the prize. Thames Water were not able to give any details about the entry. 'Someone else h

Sinclair Spectrum failed because 'it was too woke'

On the 44th anniversary of the launch of the Sinclair Spectrum, aging gamers have been lamenting the loss of the iconic micro-computer online. 'If it was still supported it would run Twitter no problem, only nicer,' said one Spectrum fan. Another noted that 'it would have been a natural at emails, YouTube and PowerPoint, although saving to cassette might be a bit of a bind in this day and age. Apparently it failed not because of technological issues - ram pack wobble is now

Council reaps the benefits of using AI

West Wartley District Council has sacked all twenty staff from its complaints department and has replaced them with AI. The council says that early results are 'very encouraging'. Residents say that the AI is talking through its electronic bottom, and gave us the following examples of rubbish replies: Dear Mrs Snibbs, thank you for your delectable complaint about potholes. The council has a zero tolerance policy on all drugs, including pot. Accordingly, the council will not b

Manager insisting on calling any skill a 'secret sauce'

A middle manager is annoyingly and slightly weirdly insisting on calling even the most basic competence amongst his team their 'secret sauce'

Local News

1hr marathon a realistic next target

Questions raised about King's Blue Peter badge

King Charles has been given a Blue Peter badge for protecting nature and the environment. But Blue Peter viewers are not sure that the award is deserved, and are concerned about the BBC's motivation. 'We're not stupid,' said Noah, aged 7. ' We've all done Key Stage 1 Media Studies. We know that charter renewal is coming up. And we know that there is a tension between the palace and the Beeb. The BBC has covered Andrew's childish behaviour extensively, and they've also given a

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Inside the BBC's political bunker

Classic News:

If you like these headlines from our archive, why not join our writing team?

Trump shooting suspect released without charge after attempting 'regime change'

Do you have a performance or comic writing you would like our help to promote?

Publishing:

1hr marathon a realistic next target

Soaring gas prices cause Crips, Bloods to carpool for drive-bys

US death penalty expanded to include crucifixion

​

Do you have a performance or comic writing you would like our help to promote?

Caption Competition 1st May 2026

Come back to Epstein Island soon, you all!

Wild Frankfurter Swallows Couple Whole.

Argies plan to refloat the Belgrano

FBI advise Charles to tape his ears down

World champion campanologist may have used a ringer

Charles to Trump: "What say we just make it a phone call instead?"

Trump shooting brought back milkshake horror, says Farage

Bullets refuse to engage with Donald Trump

Met to investigate after Kenyan national chased through streets of London

King and Queen to welcome Charles and Camilla to US

Pirate Booty, Bear Insurance, & Poop - NewsBiscuit Podcast 60

Embarassing moment whilst taking tea at the White House

How Victorian Cockneys have influenced political discourse

KC and Cam prepare for US visit

Birmingham bin strike may soon be over

Elon Musk buys #EveFartlow for $44bn

Rees-Mogg embroiled in 'office stove fuel row' with cabinet colleagues and civil servants

Twitter launches bid to buy Elon Musk

Our annual for 2021-22

Trump shooting suspect released without charge after attempting 'regime change'

Renters' Rights: Landlords now legally entitled to souls

Soaring gas prices cause Crips, Bloods to carpool for drive-bys

Influencers rebranded Outfluencers

Thames Water could win Turner Prize

Sinclair Spectrum failed because 'it was too woke'

Council reaps the benefits of using AI

Manager insisting on calling any skill a 'secret sauce'

1hr marathon a realistic next target

Questions raised about King's Blue Peter badge