It's the new craze for deranged, octogenarian Americans which is proving even bigger than golf. 'Anyone can play this game,' said a spokes-flipper for the Trump Corporation.

Thousands of fat, middle-aged, white racists are devastated that following the conclusion of England's World Cup campaign, their England flags will either have to come down, or they'll have to admit they're racists.

The emergency services were called to the Escher exhibition at Somerset House on London’s Embankment this week to free a family from Guilford who had become trapped in the staircase leading from the ground-floor up to what they thought was the first floor, only it turned out to be the ground-floor again which led – how can it? – back down but also up to the ground-floor again where they found themselves going down and also up – again! – to the basement? oh this is hopeless, M