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NewsBiscuit Car Review: The F-Rage (Independent supplier)

Just appalling. This appears to be a one-off vanity project which is more of a concept rather than a practical solution to peoples actual needs.

BillClay

Rated Top 10 in the world of satire

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Norfolk man arrested following unfortunate birthday blunder

Reports suggest a Norfolk man has been arrested on his birthday, after mistaking a police detail arriving at his residence, to be an elaborate stripogram act.

Chipchase

Keir Starmer Wins BAFTA for Best Actor in U-Turn: The Movie

Hollywood was left stunned last night as world-leading thespian-activist and part-time grey suit mannequin Keir Starmer swept up a BAFTA for Best Actor in 'U-Turn: The Movie'

Oshaughnessy

MOT changes: a photo probably isn't enough this year

Cars over three years old are required to undertake a fairly basic test to ensure the government has additional tax revenues. This year the test has become more difficult to pass. Here is the NewsBiscuit guide to getting your car through the dreaded MoT.

Throngsman

Caption Competition

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Caption Competition: Friday 27th February

The Comments Section is currently closed. Please wend your way to Facebook https://www.facebook.com/NewsBiscuit to enter. The closing date for the competition will be Friday night or when our Editor 'gets their arse into gear'. The winner will be selected in a frustratingly arbitrary and capricious way. The Judge’s verdict is final and has probably been influenced by bribery. Late entries will be late. The winning caption will be posted and preserved on Newsbiscuit, with t

Mike Managed to Propose Just Before Rising Sea Levels Took Sally Away.

Winner: Sinnick Runners-Up: "Steve hadn't yet mastered the etiquette for asking for a no-fault divorce." (Sydalg); "Kayleigh loves playing "Finger or sausage" with blind people." (Sketchly).

"I Remember When This was all Narnia"

Winner: FlashArry Runners-Up: "Victorian Lamp Spotting Society tragically misses out on a sighting." (SirLupus); "Blimey - he's cropped that edge a bit close..." (Sketchly)

Breaking News

Repairing Commons: MPs to use Bibbi Stockholm instead

Mar-a-Lago introduces 'only one assassin allowed inside at any one time' policy

Nasa aims to debunk moon landing conspiracies by not landing on the moon

Trump tells Supreme Court 'They weren't tariffs - they were Special Economic Operations'

Andrew to join Reform as Women's Rights spokesmen

Andrew appointed patron of the National Mistrust

Andrew unable to watch Line of Duty or Succession

Study finds teenage amphibians are obsessed with frogs' porn

Features

Modern rhyming slang

Who doesn’t love a bit of rhyming slang? We love it because it is very British wordplay, it’s how ordinary people talk, not the toffs, and it reminds us of East Enders. Duff, duff, duff… Well, language is constantly changing, so we asked our intrepid step-daughters (reporters) to suggest some updated rhyming slang. Here’s what they came up with: Celebs Oily gara ge (‘ oily ’) – Nigel Farage Oily sump (‘ oily ’) – Donald Trump Oily body (‘ oily ’) – N arendra Modi Lettuce – L

deskpilot

Cartoons

Greenland responds in kind to Trump's hospital ship

America's 'Great Leader'

The bathroom Olympian

Can anyone get their head round Trumponomics?

From the Archive

Russia denies Rhyl is part of Russia

Responding to claims that Russia is preparing to annexe Rhyl, President Putin has denied that the Russian Federation has ever laid claim to the North Wales resort town. 'The wastelands of Crimea and two cess-pools that border the Soviet Un- er - Russia - sure, but Rhyl? Come-onski, not even Russia is that desperate,' he said in a live tele-message today. President Biden has publicly stated that if Russia doesn't withdraw, then it will be forced to take control of Rhyl and,

Aristocrats all want COVID now the Queen has it

Just like they did before with Scottish country estates and vicious little dogs, the Royals have set off another aristocratic fashion craze - catching COVID. "Frankly, I'd always thought it was a bit of a pleb's ailment," said Lutetia Arling-Gobeaton, 37th Duchess of Hemel Hempstead. "All those dreary urbanites are falling like ninepins, you know. But now that Lizzie has shown the way, it's de rigueur to come down with - cough cough - I say, do you have a lateral flow test

Full list of sensitively edited books by Roald Legume-Stew

To avoid giving offence, Roald Legume-Stew’s books have been sensitively edited for modern times. Here is a complete list of those cleansed thus far: James and the Large Botanical Product That Self Identifies as a Peach Charlie and the Nutritional Ingredient Manufacturing Facility Fairly Typical Mr/Mrs/Ms/Mx Fox The EGEP (enormous genial enormous person) George’s Marvellous Untested Nutritional Supplement Danny The Citizen of The World The Wonderful Story of Henry Nutritional

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NewsBiscuit – has done to journalism what flat earthers have done to NASA. It has redefined the word truth, beaten it to death and buried it in an undisclosed location. This collection of stories from 2013-17 walks a fine line between absolute twaddle and actionable slander. NewsBiscuit – real fake news.

This lovingly crafted compendium comes in a paper-based format and a digital-thingy for those who know how to work that stuff.

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Our annual for 2021-22

With 100% less facts

Available in Paperback, Hardback and eBook.

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Politics

Keir Starmer Wins BAFTA for Best Actor in U-Turn: The Movie

Hollywood was left stunned last night as world-leading thespian-activist and part-time grey suit mannequin Keir Starmer swept up a BAFTA for Best Actor in 'U-Turn: The Movie'

Chagos Islands now part of the Hokey Cokey

'You put the right lease in, the right lease out, in, out and shake it all about,' said a US spokesman for the President today, explaining that the deal depended on the timing of the President's meds and the supply of crayons for his Truth Social posts.

NewsBiscuit Car Review: The F-Rage (Independent supplier)

Just appalling. This appears to be a one-off vanity project which is more of a concept rather than a practical solution to peoples actual needs.

MOT changes: a photo probably isn't enough this year

Science
&
Business

Lifestyle

NewsBiscuit Car Review: Kemi Torileda

The American influence is obvious, and a reliance on out of date thinking and an appeal to a narrowing market has a led to this mess. Multiple poor iterations have resulted in a massive loss of power with still extremely high running costs. The current Torileda has a Kemi made block which only appeals to those who like to put their foot down. It just doesn’t suit the current environment and is rejected by most European countries. It is ridiculous to think that cutting yoursel

Labour have had more resets than Windows Vista

The PM is demanding more time for the nation to decide if they really hate them. According to allies, Mr. Starmer is just one re-branding away from becoming popular—like Elon Musk's X. Hoping that public policy is just a Wi‑Fi router, Sir Keir thinks giving it a good kick and shake will save his arse. Trying to reset humanity’s collective memory of anything he did in the last five years is unlikely, given his internet search history and his cheeky little genocide. A friend sa

Norfolk man arrested following unfortunate birthday blunder

Reports suggest a Norfolk man has been arrested on his birthday, after mistaking a police detail arriving at his residence, to be an elaborate stripogram act.

Council plans annual black bin collections

West Moorland District Council urgently needs to save money following ill-advised investments in casinos, wind farms, industrial units, a chip shop, and a rail tunnel under Buckinghamshire. Councillors had debated cutting black bin collections from every two weeks to every three weeks or even every four weeks. But the savings did not stack up. To balance the books, the council has voted to empty black bins once a year, on April 1st. ‘We are doing this to boost recycling,’ s

Local News

Olympics sees rush on guttering and drainpipes

Sales of guttering, drainpipes, railings, storm drainage channels and old tin trays are all booming thanks to the Winter Olympics.

Those Andrew charges in full

Police have arrested Andrew Mounting-Concern, who is not being named. Police have said that the man they are holding is of Anglo-German heritage. He is being held in custody on suspicion of the following:

Sport
&
Entertainment

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Inside the BBC's political bunker

Classic News:

If you like these headlines from our archive, why not join our writing team?

NewsBiscuit Car Review: The F-Rage (Independent supplier)

Do you have a performance or comic writing you would like our help to promote?

Publishing:

Norfolk man arrested following unfortunate birthday blunder

Keir Starmer Wins BAFTA for Best Actor in U-Turn: The Movie

MOT changes: a photo probably isn't enough this year

​

Do you have a performance or comic writing you would like our help to promote?

Caption Competition: Friday 27th February

Mike Managed to Propose Just Before Rising Sea Levels Took Sally Away.

"I Remember When This was all Narnia"

Repairing Commons: MPs to use Bibbi Stockholm instead

Mar-a-Lago introduces 'only one assassin allowed inside at any one time' policy

Nasa aims to debunk moon landing conspiracies by not landing on the moon

Trump tells Supreme Court 'They weren't tariffs - they were Special Economic Operations'

Andrew to join Reform as Women's Rights spokesmen

Andrew appointed patron of the National Mistrust

Andrew unable to watch Line of Duty or Succession

Study finds teenage amphibians are obsessed with frogs' porn

Modern rhyming slang

Greenland responds in kind to Trump's hospital ship

America's 'Great Leader'

The bathroom Olympian

Can anyone get their head round Trumponomics?

Russia denies Rhyl is part of Russia

Aristocrats all want COVID now the Queen has it

Full list of sensitively edited books by Roald Legume-Stew

Our annual for 2021-22

Keir Starmer Wins BAFTA for Best Actor in U-Turn: The Movie

Chagos Islands now part of the Hokey Cokey

NewsBiscuit Car Review: The F-Rage (Independent supplier)

MOT changes: a photo probably isn't enough this year

NewsBiscuit Car Review: Kemi Torileda

Labour have had more resets than Windows Vista

Norfolk man arrested following unfortunate birthday blunder

Council plans annual black bin collections

Olympics sees rush on guttering and drainpipes

Those Andrew charges in full