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Fears grow over Trump's mental stability following latest extraordinary claim

Fears are growing over the mental state of Donald Trump following an extraordinary claim he made earlier. During a nationwide address, and as another claque of his boot-licking sycophants looked on in stunned silence, Trump claimed he created the Universe. Speaking from the Oval Office he said: 'You know the Universe is my baby. Yes it is. I was just sitting there in my void of nothingness one day when I got the idea. And what a great idea it turned out to be, too. One of the

Chipchase

Rated Top 10 in the world of satire

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Publishing:

Horizon computer system being relaunched as friendly AI tool

Horizon, the faulty computer programme at the heart of the scandal in which hundreds of sub-postmasters were wrongfully convicted, is being repurposed as a helpful AI chatbot for public use. 'After all the horrendous damage Horizon did to people's lives," said a spokes-virus for its owners, Fudge-It-Su, "this is a way it can give back to British society.' So saying, the virus asked Horizon for instructions on making a cherry and almond cake and got this reply: 'Marc Almond wa

Jeremynh

Prince of Wales may have to be "scuttled" after breakdown

The Prince of Wales had to be suspended from duties after breaking down in tears and being towed to the nearest palace. 'Honestly, this is not the first time this has happened with the Prince of Wales,' said a Buckingham House insider. 'He's always breaking down about something or other. This time, it seems he was upset about his propeller shaft. 'f we keep on having these breakdowns, we're going to have to think very seriously about scuttling the Prince of Wales at Scapa Flo

Jeremynh

Social media users agree never to believe anything posted ever again

All social media users everywhere have agreed never to believe anything posted from now on. NewsBiscuit is unaffected.

lucienne

Caption Competition

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Caption Competition 12th June 2026

To enter the competition sign up to our Writer's Room - and add your entry here https://newsbiscuit.proboards.com/board/5/caption-competition The closing date will be Friday night or when our Editor 'gets their arse into gear'. The winner will be selected in a frustratingly arbitrary and capricious way. The Judge’s verdict is final and has probably been influenced by bribery. Late entries will be late. The winning caption will be posted and preserved on Newsbiscuit, with t

I am sensing that you are both Pisces

WINNER I am sensing that you are both Pisces lockjaw RUNNERS UP "Your future looks fishy to me" sirlupus Well, I can definitely see an X, so you're either going to find buried treasure or have a win on the pools robfalconer You're about to get catfished. How do you feel about that? jeremynh Passengers for the Titan submersible Mark II were leaving nothing to chance. Paul L

Unfortunately, the Jones family arrived at the zoo too late

WINNER Unfortunately, the Jones family arrived at the zoo too late robfalconer RUNNERS UP Look! A dinosaur-sized squirrel. granger Dinosaur community feeling the brunt of anorexia epidemic. sydalg That one's called Keir, next to Wes, and the one on the left is called Andy deskpilot

Breaking News

World cup competition hotting up

Flesh merchant sues BBC for calling him flesh merchant

Donald Trump maintains role of America's Supreme Loser

Man planning marathon dressed as baby completes dummy run

New British £500 note to feature a monkey

Today at 11:30 AM - Radio 4 broadcasts a report from France - 'From Our Rhône Correspondent'

Andy Burnham will be Running in the Derby today, as a warm up for Makerfield

Andrew rented royal cottages on Heir bnb

Features

Horoscopes for June, by a Wise Guy

Aries You will get a big birthday surprise this month. Let’s just say that a Supermax prison isn’t the safest place in the world. Taurus You better wake up and smell the coffee, you punkass bitch, or someone’s gonna put a cap in your ass. Gemini You think that you’re the capo di tuttu capo in this territory, Donnie, but your craziness is affecting business with other outfits. Time to consider putting your feet up, let the kids run the show. Improve your golf handicap. Cancer

Lockjaw

Cartoons

Give a monkey some graph paper and a box of crayons

British summer: time to move the TV into the conservatory

Hey, JD! Shut your stoopid racist mouth!

A quintessentially English summer

From the Archive

Tory party divided about whether Tory party is split

There has been a mixed reaction to MP Natalie Elphicke's claim that the Tory party is not split. "I think she's wrong, and so do many of my colleagues", said Chris Grayling, who wished to remain nameless, but ticked the wrong box. Polling suggests that around half the party think the party is unified, the other half disagree. image from pixabay www.newsbiscuit.com First published 8 Jun 2022 If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in ou

Queen asks Paddington to form new government

During a break in filming their Platinum Jubilee sketch, the Queen was overheard asking Paddington Bear to form a new government of national unity or ‘marmalade coalition’. A spokesbear roared ‘We’re getting Brexit pursued by a bear done. In terms of candidates for the top jobs, we’ve got Winnie the Pooh and Bungle from Rainbow coming in. Paddington was considering Rupert the Bear too, but in common with many Ruperts, he’s a right little Tory. Our policies will include hourly

Racially Diverse Friend Group Files Restraining Order Against College Photographer

It was an average morning for a group of multicultural college students, who were enjoying the June sunshine on their leafy campus. 'It was all so normal,' Sanjay tells us. 'Hua, Kwame, Diego, Amelia (she's gay,) and I were preparing for our upcoming exams when we heard rustling from the bushes.' They were greeted with the cold, invasive eye of a long-lens camera. The college photographer, 46-year-old Oliver Brown, has been tasked with designing glossy brochures for the unive

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Politics

Fears grow over Trump's mental stability following latest extraordinary claim

Israel signs latest one-sided ceasefire with Lebanon

This is the best ceasefire deal we could get for our darling child, Israel,' said US Secretary of State Marco Rubiks-Cube.

Prince of Wales may have to be "scuttled" after breakdown

Teachers’ Union issues stern warning over 'Brainmaxxing' trend

Teachers' Unions have issued a new report concerning the latest trend amongst teenage boys adopting extreme and alarming practices to improve or 'Maxx' their own brains.

Science
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Business

Lifestyle

Horizon computer system being relaunched as friendly AI tool

Social media users agree never to believe anything posted ever again

All social media users everywhere have agreed never to believe anything posted from now on. NewsBiscuit is unaffected.

Steer clear of Cryme Regis this summer, warn cops

Dorset Police are telling tourists to avoid the formerly sedate coastal resort of Lyme Regis, warning it has become a blackspot for crime and disorder. "Lyme Regis? Cryme Regis, more like," said a spokes-ASBO for Dorset Police. "Nowadays it's plagued by flying squads of hoodlums who operate in broad daylight on the seafront, knocking the chips out of people's hands and jabbing them repeatedly until an ambulance arrive. "And that's just the seagulls. "Plus they make a racket m

Exam board defends convoluted and labyrinthine Maths exam questions

A Qualifications Scotland spokesperson has defended a controversial Higher Maths paper after pupils said that it was "unrecognisable" from the paper they had prepared for in class. The pupils said that the wording of the questions was so confusing that they did not know what was being asked. Sir Humphrey responded: " A constriction of the channels of communication, that culminated in a condition of organisational atrophy and administrative paralysis may have lead to the mix-

Local News

Ed Davey announces stand-up show at Palladium

Ed Davey has announced a 100-night residency at the London Palladium on the back of Davey's barnstorming PMQ's performance this week, where he delivered a zinger of a gag.

BAFTAs to Replace Gendered Acting Plaudits with 'Best Mortal Kombat Film'

Next year's BAFTA Film Awards are merging Best Actor in a Leading Role and Best Actress in a Leading Role into one award, honouring Mortal Kombat II.

Sport
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Entertainment

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Inside the BBC's political bunker

Classic News:

If you like these headlines from our archive, why not join our writing team?

Fears grow over Trump's mental stability following latest extraordinary claim

Do you have a performance or comic writing you would like our help to promote?

Publishing:

Horizon computer system being relaunched as friendly AI tool

Prince of Wales may have to be "scuttled" after breakdown

Social media users agree never to believe anything posted ever again

​

Do you have a performance or comic writing you would like our help to promote?

Caption Competition 12th June 2026

I am sensing that you are both Pisces

Unfortunately, the Jones family arrived at the zoo too late

World cup competition hotting up

Flesh merchant sues BBC for calling him flesh merchant

Donald Trump maintains role of America's Supreme Loser

Man planning marathon dressed as baby completes dummy run

New British £500 note to feature a monkey

Today at 11:30 AM - Radio 4 broadcasts a report from France - 'From Our Rhône Correspondent'

Andy Burnham will be Running in the Derby today, as a warm up for Makerfield

Andrew rented royal cottages on Heir bnb

Horoscopes for June, by a Wise Guy

Give a monkey some graph paper and a box of crayons

British summer: time to move the TV into the conservatory

Hey, JD! Shut your stoopid racist mouth!

A quintessentially English summer

Tory party divided about whether Tory party is split

Queen asks Paddington to form new government

Racially Diverse Friend Group Files Restraining Order Against College Photographer

Our annual for 2021-22

Fears grow over Trump's mental stability following latest extraordinary claim

Israel signs latest one-sided ceasefire with Lebanon

Prince of Wales may have to be "scuttled" after breakdown

Teachers’ Union issues stern warning over 'Brainmaxxing' trend

Horizon computer system being relaunched as friendly AI tool

Social media users agree never to believe anything posted ever again

Steer clear of Cryme Regis this summer, warn cops

Exam board defends convoluted and labyrinthine Maths exam questions

Ed Davey announces stand-up show at Palladium

BAFTAs to Replace Gendered Acting Plaudits with 'Best Mortal Kombat Film'