In a surprise move during a press conference about the deaths of the foreign medics in Afghanistan today, David Cameron donned an ancient Aztec mask and, speaking in a husky voice with a strange accent, explained that the deaths of the aid workers were 'a worthy offering to Huitzilopochtli', the Aztec god of the sun and war.
When asked if this meant he had orchestrated their deaths at the hands of the Taliban, he began to speak rapidly in Nahuatl, the language of the Aztecs, before stopping himself, resuming his usual toned-down Eton accent and saying, "No, of course I didn't. I've been far to busy here. But many hands do the work of Huitzilopochtli."
When challenged by one journalist on the appropriateness of adopting Aztec attire at a press conference, Cameron ordered two guards, also in traditional Aztec dress, to have her removed from the room. Her husband has been unable to contact her by phone and her fate is unknown, though the police are investigating bloodstains on the steps of Nelson's Column. The press conference ended with the raising of a flag bearing a radiant sun, and Cameron ordering the assembled journalists to chant 'All hail Huitzilopochtli, bringer of death' until he had left the room.