After 10 years of Big Brother and 9 years of war in Afghanistan, a confused nation has this week attempted to vote the Taliban out of Afghanistan for good. In what was supposed to be a simple opinion poll on the progress or lack of progress in the war against militant groups in Afghanistan, the public is said to have rung up the 'We are winning' phone number in their thousands and screamed down the phone that the Taliban should get the hell out.
"They really seemed to think their opinions would result in an eviction of the Taliban," said one phone operator, interviewed while drinking heavily in a pub after his shift. "It's not surprising in a way. The actual involvement of most people in both of them is insignficant. And the Afghan War has been going on nearly as long as Big Brother, which itself has been going on for...." At this point the phone operator's eyes glazed over and he picked up his pint and finished it in one gulp.
According to a press release by the polling company, "The war that we have been fighting for nearly a decade is in fact characterised, in terms of British public opinion, by an inability to distinguish it from popular reality shows. Two years ago when we did a poll on who the scariest terrorist in the world was, 20% of people rang in to say that Osama Bin Laden had a sexy voice and to ask when the single was coming out."
Neither the Big Brother production team nor Simon Cowell were available for interview, but Cowell was said to be 'receptive' to the idea of releasing a single by Osama Bin Laden.