Supermodel Kate Moss is to appear in court later this week to answer charges that she accepted a bag of coal from millionaire tycoon and former Harrods owner Mohammed Al Fayad .
Back in 2008 Kate had been shopping at the trendy department store in Knightsbridge, possibly attracted by their new range of dirty stuff for the bedroom or, more disappointingly, probably just eye-liner, when it is believed the gorgeous star managed to attract the attention of the then owner Muhammed Al Fayed who was helping out on one of the tills due to a shortage of holiday cover.
The following morning she, and no doubt one of her sexy girlfriends who wasn’t wearing very much, awoke after what was probably a pretty hefty session with all sleep in their eyes and stuff, at the nearby 3-star Grovesnor hotel to a knock on the door and opened it to a couple of gentlemen of slightly foreign appearance. The men then passed her the bag with the words: ‘A gift for you. Although if you want our opinion, it looks a bit shit.’ They then stood around idly for a few minutes before one of them added:
‘Is that your friend? She looks nice. I guess you’re just friends though aren’t you. I mean you’d tell us if there was something more going on right? ‘
After Kate had slammed the door in their faces she turned to her friend, let’s call her Jasmine, and said : ‘What do you suppose this is? ‘
Jasmine, who was already undressed ready for the shower and holding one of those little soap things you get in hotels, skipped across the room causing her blond ringlets to bounce coquettishly and replied:
‘Hang on a minute – didn’t you go shopping in Harrods yesterday?’ To which Kate replied: ‘Why yes!’ ‘That’s it then. It must have come from Al Fayed,’ said Jasmine .
‘Now that you mention it – he was working on the till. And he did look at me in a strange way, as though he wanted to speak to me, but he was too busy fumbling with a calculator so I thought fuck it,’ Kate mumbled with a finger in her mouth, eyeing her friend’s delicious contours.
Coal is an extremely controversial substance since the eighties miners’ strike when the fascist dictatorship of the time claimed it was uneconomical to provide a living for thousands of families and launched a nationwide campaign to shaft every miner, his wife, his extended family, his community and finally his sense of worth before turning its anger on any family pets he hadn’t already been forced to stick in a blender and digest as a kind of energy drink, including guinea pigs and stuff like that which are dead cute and sometimes squeak when you open the fridge door.
The case follows many recent incidents where someone who’s quite good-looking has been offered something that looks like a pile of toss by somebody with lots of money.
The judge is expected to ask Kate whether she was aware that the substance contained inside the bag was, in fact, coal and what happened in the moments immediately after she removed her finger from her mouth and whether or not the shower was big enough for two people. The trial is expected to last five months.