Groundbreaking new research has been released today that purports to prove that taller people will lead ‘better, more productive and happier’ lives.
Professor Doolan from the London and Regional Association of Excellence or L.A.R.G.E, claims that taller people are “more well adjusted to society”. Said the professor, “After extensive research, and working for years with subjects of all sizes, it has been found conclusively that tall people are superior in every way.
“They have the best jobs, are the most attractive, and they walk with a far less comical waddle.”
To add weight to his claims the Professor, himself a handsome 6”1, researched thousands of hours of television footage. “It was a real slog, but it really hammered home the point. Just look at the film Twins, Arnold Schwarzenegger is so charming and handsome, but even more so compared to that miserable DeVito twirp.”
The news has infuriated Professor Doolans shorter counterparts, one was even quoted as saying “they should get off their bloody high horses and come down here and say that!”