Tramps to be given ‘forlorn look training’
London’s Tramps today got a huge boost with Boris Johnson’s announcement that they would be given free dogs and forlorn look training, in a drive to enhance standards in the industry.
The Mayor stated that Tramps “were in dire need of quality control” and that the newly formed Tramps for London quango would have a massive budget increase “to face this massive challenge, head on.”
The mood on the streets was jubilant and Paul, who frequents the bus shelters of the West End, spoke effusively; “It’s fantastic news that the Mayor has stepped up and promised us some real change,” he slurred. “The credit crunch has hit everybody, but I think that the Tramp profession has suffered the most, for two reasons. Firstly, people are far less likely to have some spare change – there has been a marked rise in people telling tramps that they want it and even telling us to ‘get a wash’.
“Secondly a large influx of new talent, in the shape of former multi-millionaire business owners has stretched resources. The fact is standards have slipped, and our livelihood is at risk. These new ‘Tramps’ just don’t look forlorn enough. Their clothes are barely torn and they give the impression of some level of hygiene – it knocks the investors trust to see people like this.” Before adding, “Can you spare us a couple of quid for a coffee mate?”
The quango spoke briefly of a future initiative, to promote dog ownership in Tramps aiming “to get more sympathy, like”.