David Cameron’s ‘Big Society’ received a boost today after Norfolk farmer Tony Martin – a man who shot and killed a retreating burglar and injured his accomplice – was appointed to lead the Big Society on law enforcement.
Mr Cameron said that “Mr Martin has the right can-do attitude, and so do lots of his friends, and that’s why I have disbanded the Police Forces, the Crown Prosecution Service and the judiciary and replaced them with Big Society volunteers.
Mr Martin was said to be “Honoured” by his appointment, commenting that “It is ridiculous that our prisons are full-up with robbers and rapists, well for now at least.”
“Some left-wing commentators have said that the Big Society law enforcement is a cynical ploy to replace our measured and respected legal system with a vigilante approach where suspected criminals will be attacked and killed based on the flimsiest of evidence or personal, racial, sexual or religious prejudice” continued Mr Martin “And they are dead right, the soppy Guardian-reading tree huggers.”
David Cameron said that his “Next area of focus will be the NHS, and a volunteer-led approach is certain to lead to the need for fewer hospitals and GPs. Sadly my first-choice candidate is no longer available, but there must be other Harold Shipmans out there.”