In an attempt to crack down on speeding drivers, the ruling council on the Isle of Wight has appointed its first Road Safety Team.
Made up for three police officers, the squad consists of sketch artist PC David Harris, Sergeant Andrew Davies, who leads the team, and PC Michaela Smith to make the tea.
The plan is for Harris to stand guard on the island's fastest stretch of road, known locally as 'The Road', and for him to draw representations of those caught breaking the speed limit of 7 chains an hour.
"I'm pretty good with the charcoal" says PC Harris "and everyone says I do a pretty good picture. My speciality is trees."
But the scheme's under fire from local protestors who say in it's first week of operation, the Road Safety Team has failed to issue a single ticket, even though there were 34 collisions and 94 deaths.
"I admit we've had a few teething problems" Sgt Davies told reporters "but those accidents happened at night, it was a windy week and PC Harris' candle kept blowing out."
"We can't be held responsible for natural disasters, even though 24 people died when PC Smith did a 21 point turn in her two horse power cart while she delivered a steaming mug to PC Harris, causing a multiple stagecoach low speed crash."