The police officer who shot dead 12 year old Tamir Rice was acquitted of murder today, as local prosecutors explain that the officer was suffering from a severe case of Affluenza.
Witnesses in the Ohio hearing described a 'collective sigh of relief' around the court as 'all confusion was completely cleared up, and any issues surrounding the case have been laid to rest".
Affluenza, a severe and sometimes fatal disease, is unique in that it only causes direct harm to those with whom the victim comes in contact with. Well known victims of the disease include the pop singer Justin Beiber and Prime Minister David Cameron. Cameron was of course a member of the Affluenza support group, the Bullingdon Club, whose Latin moto roughly translates as 'Getting Away with Murder'.
The Chief Prosecutor today described the shooting of Rice as a "heady mixture of Affluenza and a terrible case of Just One Of Those Things. Whilst the Police Department of Ohio do not wish to point fingers, the general public, and young black males in particular, should be aware that their presence can be dangerous and should consider staying indoors for the foreseeable future".
The police have gone on to say that any encounters with someone suffering from Affluenza may "result in your death and therefore extreme discomfort for the victim".
It is not yet clear whether those who lose their lives by coming into contact with victims of Affluenza will themselves be prosecuted under Gross Misconduct in the future, but there is much pressure from politicians and business communities alike to protect future victims from what they call costly, time consuming, and ultimately pointless, court cases.
