The story of an elaborate Danish pastry that shocked society by announcing it wanted to live life as a simple doughnut is the subject of a new and innovative film. The pastry, a Danish crown, announces it wants to abandon the flounces of vanilla custard and the suggestive hazelnut sprinklings, to live life as a simple doughnut.
‘I hated the complicated layers and the flaky lightness of pastry,’ the doughnut (played by old Etonian Freddie Smythmaine) said. ‘All I wanted was a hole. There was a hole in my life where that hole should be.’ In the end, the Danish pastry is stripped of it’s crème anglaise in a graphic scene which some people said left them ‘discustard’.
Now though, Sue Perkins, host of the Great British Bake off, has shocked viewers by arguing that no pastry can change its identity simply with the use of a baker’s knife. This has led to the cancellation of a location-based episode of the show at Eccles Domestic Science College.
Meanwhile co-host Mary Berry is expected to surprise viewers by claiming she now has ‘a massive dick and fully functioning bollocks’
