The Prison Service say they will ‘vigorously defend’ the case being pursued by litigious caretaker nonce Ian Huntley,36, and insist all injuries he sustained while banged up are due to his own clumsiness, stupidity and a tendency fall down the staircase leading up to his cell.
Huntley names two specific incidents: The first, where he was doused with boiling water and secondly where he nearly bled to death following a neck injury – both inflicted, he claims, by fellow inmates while the screws stood around wearing shit-eating grins.
But defence lawyers, last night, put forward perfectly reasonable accounts for both of the claims. During the water incident, they maintain that Huntley was preparing a snack in his cell and failed to pay adequate attention to the ‘fill level’ on his Pot Noodle with the result that scalding water rebounded off the tightly compressed noodle mattress and hit him with considerable force.
Prison guard, Mike Jones, who routinely watches over Huntley, said:
‘Poor Ian! It was his favourite – Chicken & Mushroom flavour. He looked quite comical with bits of sweetcorn in what remains of his hair and second degree burns to most of his face and upper torso. But it is entirely possible that in his confused mental state, the one referred to by his defence team, he mistook one of the larger pieces of sweetcorn for a fellow inmate, especially one with hepatitis .
The screws also claim the life-threatening injuries Huntley sustained to his neck, can be attributed to Huntley’s poor shaving technique and the problems inherent in switching from an electric razor to a foam-based wet shave scenario. As Jones put it:
‘You know, Ian will deny it, but if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times – he is one of the most careless shavers I have ever witnessed in my twenty three years with the prison service. I’ve repeatedly told him to use long smooth strokes against the grain of the beard, like this – never in a side to side motion across the throat area. Will he listen? ‘
At which point he broke off, adding:
‘Oh bugger - it’s my turn to be guarding him. I should have been back at my post hours ago not sat here shooting the shit with you lot.’
‘Er, you haven’t seen my massive jar of anti-depressants which are potentially lethal if taken in sufficient quantities lying around anywhere have you ?’