Famous foodie couple Uncle Ben and Aunt Bessie have today announced that they are to divorce.
Citing irreconcilable culinary differences, Aunt Bessie told Heat magazine ‘we just don’t feel like we go together any more. He’s always serving up that foreign muck like chilli and sweet and sour chicken. I can’t take it any more.’
Uncle Ben also confirmed ‘she’s so unadventurous. She’s not open to experimentation of any sort. Yorkshire puddings, roast potatoes, dumplings... She’s just so, so British.’
The announcement comes as no shock to the supermarket shopping community, who have long suspected that the pair have been incompatible. ‘I'm not surprised’ said shopper Bethan Williams, ‘you never even see them in the same isle these days, except in smaller shops where I suppose they can’t avoid each other.’
Uncle Ben was at pains to deny that either of them has been seeing anyone else. ‘I know there are rumours about Aunt Bessie going to Mr Kipling for afters, and about me being sweet on Betty Crocker’ he said, ‘but it’s simply not true. Even though she is a bit tasty.’