A civil servant at the Department for Education today controversially explained why the public are so seldom consulted on changes to the education system. "The public are ignorant," he claimed. "They are, frankly, thick as pig shit. They just don't know anything. When we are forced to consult them we usually make up the results. It's better for everyone that way."
When challenged to prove his assertion that stupidity was so widespread he said, "For one thing, most of the British public wouldn't even know what it means to prove an assertion. They think if it's published on the front page of the Daily Mail then it's proved. They couldn't distinguish actual evidence from their own ill-informed night-time fears if it slapped them round the face in the form of a hard-back encyclopedia."
On being asked when the problem of massive public ignorance is likely to be solved the official shrugged. "Search me, it's not my job. I just work in education. All I know is, if I did come up with a solution, I wouldn't consult that bunch of brain-dead morons out there before carrying it out."