The multi-billion pound Large Hadron Collider is redundant according to a man who has just created the conditions a moment before the birth of the universe in his washing machine.
Unemployed plumber Bill Williams (59) said that when he set his machine to ‘rinse and fast spin’ he had no idea he was going to solve the ultimate mystery of how the universe began.
‘That Large Hadron Collider cost billions and I’ve beaten it to the answer with my ten-year-old Zanussi washer. As soon as I started emptying the machine, I realised I’d found the fundamental building block of the universe. It was right there, clinging to my underpants,’ he said.
A spokesman for CERN said that the LHC would be dismantled over the next two weeks.
‘We congratulate Mr Williams on his great achievement,’ he said. ‘It’s certainly unusual for a washing machine to rotate at 10,000 revs a second and for a pair of underpants to travel at the nearly the speed of light, but Mr Williams seems to have pulled it off.’