A ‘squashed fly’ biscuit, better known as a Garibaldi by manufacturers Peak Freans was consumed yesterday by Gary Smythe, a window fitter from Taunton as part of a workplace snack. Mr Smythe is completely without head-hair, a fact remarked upon by van driver and recent graduate and colleague Martin Smethurst.
Mr Smethurst went on to observe that had Stephen Fry witnessed the consumption of the biscuit he would have doubtless remarked that the Garibaldi/Baldy Gary scenario was a true life chiasmus. Chiasmus, he explained, is a literary technique in which elements of a sentence ‘cross over’ in a playful way. The technique comes from the greek letter Chi which looks like an X or cross. Mr Smethurst (24) opined that although Mr Fry was in Australia publicising his book, the observation was nonetheless valid for having been made in his absence.
Mr Gary Smythe then called Mr Smethurst, a recent graduate, an annoying cunt who talked fucking bollocks, and emphatically requested he wait in the van. Mr Smethurst complied with the request, returning to the van where he attempted without success to roll a cigarette by hand. He later reflected on the complete absence of other 19th century European political giants from the biscuit aisle in Devizes Tesco Metro, before experimenting with the notion that Peak Freans is almost a Spoonerism of ‘Freak Penis’.
Mr Smethurst considered returning to tell Gary Smythe the penile news, which he thought might be to Mr Smythe's taste, but remembered the vehemence with which Mr Smythe asked him to wait in the van. Mr Smethurst found no comfort in observing that ‘When the going gets tough the tough get going’ is also a chiasmus, and spent the rest of the evening worrying about his student loan.
He later discovered on Google that Guiseppe Garibaldi had indeed made a visit to South Shields in the 1860’s and that the eponymous sweetmeat was originally dry bread smeared with a mixture of berries and horse blood consumed by starving troops as they conquered Sicily in the interests of unification.
