In a bid to both discourage bogus benefits claimants and increase legitimate employment opportunities for Afghan militants, the government is to outsource jobcentres and the benefits system to the Taliban.
"One of the persistent problems we have in this country is people who are desperate to live the life of Riley on £65 a week," explained a government spokesman. "And one of the persistent problems we have in Afghanistan is that there aren't many good job opportunities besides being in a vicious armed group pretending to wage war on religious grounds while using their weapons and power to extort money and run drugs."
The government is hoping that having to talk to a heavily armed man in a turban will prevent anyone not genuinely in need from apply for Job Seeker's Allowance, Housing Benefits, Incapacity Benefits or anything else that costs money. The callcentres are to be based on the Afghan-Pakistan border. While the operaters are to be trained in English it is expected that their accents will render them barely comprehensible, further detering frivolous claims.
The synergistic solution was proposed after a blue-sky thinking session between civil servants and twenty management consultants hired at £2000 per day each. "This is the kind of radical thinking that separates us from Labour," explained David Cameron. "We will not rest until everyone is either working or dare not claim benefits, and we will not rest until the Afghan War is won - by one side or another."