Businessmen Brian Fenton, Clive Grant and Darren Haynes and their families have been evicted from a campsite in the Dordogne after a series of incidents involving pissing in tents.
‘I often get involved in projects with Clive,’ says Brian, ‘and Darren is our biggest competitor. I always said we’d all be much better off if Darren could work with us instead of against us.’
Clive joins in: ‘Unbelievably, we found ourselves on a campsite with a lot of other British businessmen. I suppose the lack of foreigners is part of the appeal of the Dordogne: a bit like Tuscany but easier to drive to. I joined Brian for a morning meeting to plan a foray into the village and before you know it someone started pissing into our tent.
‘It was Darren, upset because he wasn’t invited. It was an honest misunderstanding, so in the spirit of entente cordiale we asked him in to discuss a way forward. After a couple of coffees we needed a piss, and we all stood inside our tent and pissed out of it. Even Darren agreed it was so much better that way.’
Unfortunately, as the week went on, rifts began to develop and things turned into a pissing contest. Other businessmen joined in and soon everyone was pissing in and out of tents, while in one extreme case someone who was pissed pissed inside a tent from the inside instead of pissing out from the inside or in from the outside.
Eventually a group of teachers who found the whole thing distasteful and puerile decided to air their objections, but found that they were pissing in the wind.
‘That was the fatal mistake,’ said Darren. ‘The French don’t normally care who pisses where, but the site owners were eating their dinner outside when the piss was in the wind. They were well pissed off.
‘We really took the piss but the teachers somehow pinned the blame on us and we were the ones evicted. But they got a bit too cocky and apologised for pissing in our chips, and they were told to piss off too. And now it’s started to piss down. What a pisser.’