A suspicious public have dubbed former Olympic champion Lord Sebastian Coe 'a lying scumbag' after he announced that the building work for London 2012 was running ahead of schedule 'by a significant margin'.
Speaking in his role as head of the London 2012 organising committee, Lord Coe told reporters that he was 'jolly pleased' with the progress of the construction, adding that it was all running within budget and well ahead of schedule. 'He must be talking through his arse,' scoffed Will Merchant, a visitor to the new Olympic stadium in Stratford, East London. 'Nothing ever runs smoothly or in budget around here unless there's been a balls up. Either he's a liar of Olympian proportions or he's having the wool pulled over his eyes good and proper.'
Local residents believe that the developers may be cutting corners in order to save cash and speed up delivery. 'There's no way that the three rows of bleacher-style seating they're currently installing will accommodate 80,000 people,' said Clare Gilady, owner of a local allotment who has witnessed every stage of construction, 'and I expected an Olympic athletics track to look bigger.'
Engineers say that the plans show the stadium to be 'much smaller than it appears on the telly', and have built 'exactly what they quoted for'. 'One of their plumper workers said that he'd spent some time on the track himself and managed to nearly halve the Olympic record for a complete circuit, even wearing his full safety regalia,' she exclaimed. 'It must be some really special tarmac or something! Apparently they're hoping that a bumper crop of record-breaking will make up for having the opening ceremony hosted by Boris Johnson.'