Barry Chuckle said "I may as well be dead" to the astonishment of most journalists and reporters who thought he already was!
Clegg (notorious for not being able to grow a tash) claimed that there was a significant revenue to be drawn from the 'Tash Tax' especially in Liverpool where most 10yr olds have tashes by tradition. The tax will be based upon the amount of C02 emmissions emitted by the tash multiplied by the actual square meterage of the tash on the face..
A similar tax was recently abolished in Saudi Arabia after women complained that they had no choice in the matter, their upper lip being genetically hairy. Biologists say this is what originally gave rise to the Burqua..