David Beckham will be driven through the streets of the Wiltshire town this afternoon in what is expected to be an outpouring of public grief after his tragic achilles tendon injury ruled him out of the World Cup. Thousands are expected to line the parade route in appreciation of all he’s done for his country.
One man who’d camped out since last night choked back the tears ‘It’s not just a tragedy for the nation but for the whole world of football. To have someone taken at such a young age, struck down with a rather achy ankle and forced to take it easy for the next five or six months it’s just unbearable.’
Sky News caused panic earlier as they reported that England’s ‘best-loved footballer’ was seriously injured. Sir Bobby Charlton issued a statement saying he was in fact fine but that tosser Beckham had hurt his ankke.
England team-mate Wayne Rooney made a rare appearance without wife Colleen or his media advisers as he answered the door of his mansion this morning. He paused only to say ‘Wayne, run, ball’ before closing the door with ‘Wayne go, hungry now’, a touching tribute.
Beckham missing the tournament will devastate the nation’s hairdressers who were relying on the latest whacky must-have haircut to see them through to the end of the year. Bikers who yesterday raised £100,000 riding through the town have pledged to give the money to the ailing industry. The Chancellor also offered to work on an aid package for the fashion and male-grooming sectors who will also be particularly hit.
Several dead servicemen who were due to fly in there today have been rerouted to the cargo terminal at RAF Valley in Wales. An FA spokesman said ‘these soldiers are really overpaid for what they do you know, I mean any fool can go out to Afghanistan or Iraq and shoot people. I think the public know who the true heroes are.’ Army widow Tracy Jones whose husband was killed in Helmand last week said ‘It really puts my problems into perspective when you think of someone not being able to go to South Africa to play football’.
Beckham’s wife, former Spice Girl Victoria, was unavailable for comment as she didn’t have any products to promote.