America's National Rifle Association has identified a lack of guns in Syria as the reason for the high number of deaths from shootings there.
"Take this mass shooting at a miltary checkpoint yesterday," said a spokesman. "It would never have happened if someone had already shot the people who did it.
"Unless of course, someone else had already shot those other shooters before they could shoot the first lot of shooters. In which case, there'd be a lot less death all round."
The organisers of an arms fair at London's ExCel centre said they agreed wholeheartedly with the NRA's position, and were seeking to bring about peace in Syria by arming as many different militias involved in the conflict as possible.
"We had a slight hiccup when a shipment meant for the People's Front of Syria was accidentally sent to the Syrian People's Front. But no matter, they're basically all crazy towelheads and we've already got their money.
"And to think we might soon have a Prime Minister who thinks having incredibly dangerous weapons actually makes peace less likely. I thought that sort of loony left thinking had gone the way of the dodo."
