Yet again, dark clouds have formed over the town of Yeovil as 15-year old Tristan Horner, a lonely student from St Saviour's Academy, went on a rampage with a paintball gun in his school. In what was believed to be a generationally motivated attack, Horner moved from classroom to classroom, asking students their age before shooting anyone in their prime. "We were fine while he was with his classmates", said Miss Bount, "but as soon as he got to the younger classes it was horrific, groups of 11 and 13 year olds clutching their chests, red everywhere.
Paintballing Groups condemned the attack, but noted that "This would never have happened if teachers, or even the students, had their own paintball guns". Their statement went on to say "paintball guns don't cover things in paint, people cover things in paint. And sometimes paintbrushes cover people in paint".
Prime Minister, David Cameron, made a special announcement expressing huge disappointment that such wanton vandalism could happen in this day and age, though he refused to confirm or deny rumours that the Conservative cabinet teamday had taken place at a local paintballing arena. "What I do in my spare time is my business," Cameron said, "The real concern is how often this sort of tragedy would happen under a Corbyn leadership".
