In a surprising turn of events Labour candidates for leadership in an attempt to attract the British electorate have new plans for the remaining hustings.
All candidates have revealed they are to “bring to the fore”, previously unseen talent, to give the public something they can relate to.
We can exclusively reveal that Ed Balls intends to exhibit his juggling dexterity, claiming to be able to juggle better than the other four candidates. This is a massive gamble by Ed” claimed a party organiser “can you imagine the mayhem should Ed’s balls drop while he is performing.”
Diane Abbot, meanwhile, is practising feverishly for a dance routine involving an old favourite. We can reveal that Diane is struggling at the moment confusing her right and left sides as she tries to master the intricacies of the Hokey Cokey.
David Milliband turned down the offer of performing a duet with Brother Ed, opting instead, to base his act on illusion. A close associate commented “David wanted to be realistic without appearing too radical; it has got him this far why change?”
Andy Burnham is to revive a talent previously revealed back in August 2007. “I had to admit I hadn’t read the Conservative Party's Economic Competitiveness report, and found myself promoting their policies”. Off the record he maintains he was after a move from the post of Chief Secretary to the Treasury. He said “This time my psychic ability will not let me down; I know already I am going to win”.
Despite his brother’s rebuff, Ed Milliband is probably the most radical as he combines singing with performing with an animal. He is to perform a rendition of the old Paul Simon favourite, ‘One Trick Pony’ in duet with celebrity talking horse Mr Ed.