The government today announced that the focus in recent years on the word ‘obesity’ was an unwarranted indulgence and that people should not be consumed with political correctness, but be permitted to use a diet of other adjectives and descriptions for those who were simply fat.
A junior minister at the Department of Health explained, ‘The previous government bent over backwards to describe fat people as having an illness they called ‘obesity’. We are taking a very different approach to the issue and will permit any term to be used. We appreciate that the general public might find this difficult to digest immediately, but we are ruminating permitting words such as ‘fat’, ‘fat bastard’, ‘fan of lard’, ‘lardy boy’, and ‘pork-scratching muncher’ as viable alternatives to the rather tasteless ‘obese’.’
He continued, ‘The previous government wasted a lot of money seeking to change the flavour of approach to the difficulty of fans of lard. It even led to some to claim that obesity was an infectious disease. Frankly, this defies common sense and just leaves a bad smell hanging in the air. We will change public opinion on this weighty matter.’
Health professionals, particularly junior and student doctors, welcomed the proposals with relish. One junior doctor said, ‘I can’t wait to diagnose someone as being a ‘pork scratching muncher’. Previously I had a limited menu of terms for diagnosis at my disposal. Telling a patient that they were ‘morbidly obese’ just didn’t quite cut it. However, telling a patient that they have been diagnosed as a ‘fan of lard’ or just a ‘fat bastard’ is a dream come true. I just hope that the government are genuine about these proposals, and that the previous politically correct language is consigned to the waste bin of history.’