Former UN Weapons Inspector Dr Hans Blix says that following a visit to the UK he has found ‘no evidence’ that Britain is harbouring an inquiry into the Iraq War.
‘I have searched the length and breadth of the country,’ said Dr Blix ‘and I cannot find anything resembling an inquiry. I did stumble across a committee room with a few retired civil servants and historians sitting behind a desk, but nothing that might pose a serious threat to the British state.’
During this meeting Dr Blix said that he had asked the committee members to provide some tangible evidence that an inquiry was taking place. ‘Everyone was all very polite, they gave me tea and biscuits and we had a nice little chat,’ he said, ‘but throughout, I remained unconvinced that any of them were in possession of questions of mass destruction.’
Dr Blix added that his inspection had been continually obstructed by high levels of bureaucracy, red tape and secrecy. ‘So many of the key documents that might prove the existence of an inquiry are not being made public,’ he explained, ‘if they are up to anything then they must be doing it behind closed doors.’
Dr Blix’s findings were quickly dismissed by former Downing Street Communications Director Alastair Campbell. ‘I have seen the inquiry at first hand,’ he insisted, ‘I was there. And let me tell you, at one stage they could have been 45 minutes away from asking me quite an awkward question. Ok, so it turned out they had nothing but I didn’t know that at the time.’
Former Prime Minister Tony Blair agreed: ‘He may not have found any evidence of an inquiry but it doesn’t mean there isn’t one there. The problem with Dr Blix is that he is always trying to re-write history,’complained Mr Blair, ‘and everyone knows that's my job.’
As he left the UK Dr Blix told reporters: ‘As usual I am asked to leave before my inspection is complete. I really need a few more months to be absolutely certain but these bloody people are never prepared to wait.’