The coalition government’s cuts programme has accidentally ended up cutting itself to the point where it can no longer fulfil itself, a leaked report has found.
“The ‘bonfire of the quangos’ led inexorably to the cutting of departmental budgets and even whole departments” the report reads.
“However on discovering that many aspects of ministerial office have not been ring-fenced prior to the cuts, we have in fact ended up in the untenable position whereby all the politicians, civil servants and administrators required to implement the programme of cuts have in fact been cut.”
Number ten has issued a statement denying the leak. “There are plenty of people here dealing with this, plenty. Look, David’s over there, he’s busy drafting emergency legislation which will mean that, as part of the Big Society communities can adopt a government department and all the people who work for it can carry on doing what they did before, but on a voluntary basis. There, isn’t that better? Nick? Oh Nick’s, er, Nick’s just popped out.”