The MOD has admitted that using Windows as the Operating System in its ‘Robocop’ programme may have been a mistake after the eponymous hero was struck down by a ‘backdoor Trojan’.
It is believed that a senior technician neglected to turn off ‘Automatic Updates’, which allowed Windows to download the latest version of Internet Explorer, thus causing a catastrophic security breach. The malicious software resulted in Robocop spontaneously shutting down and restarting, failing to recognise hardware and indiscriminately murdering innocent people at rally in London’s financial district.
After bludgeoning several protesters and shooting one man who happened to be hurriedly passing by on his way to the tube, Robocop crashed when he apparently tried to install an update for Firefox and open Windows Media Player at the same time. Armed officers surrounded the 'Part-man. Part-machine. All Cop' whilst a technician held the power button down until he switched off. An inquest into events is to begin immediately.
This is the second such incident in the last two months, after an infected email resulted in Robocop proliferating adverts for ‘Tena Lady’ and making a number of illicit requests for transfers to a Nigerian bank account. It was hoped that the upload of Norton 360 may have prevented further invasion, but another senior technician forgot the sign-in password and could not find the answer to his security question, rendering the multi-million pound android vulnerable to new threats.
It is understood that the IT department have exhausted all avenues in order to redress the problem having switched it off and on again several times, and are currently awaiting the error report from Microsoft, after the troubleshooting programme indicated that ‘There is a chance Bill Gates might know, but don’t hold your breath.’ As a result, the much troubled project is likely to face further delay.
The programme was meant to represent the ‘future of law enforcement’ and was due to be rolled out to other forces around the UK pending successful trials. However, concerns over the operating system have been widespread even prior to the latest incident, and staff within the project had complained of poor productivity after Robocop was repeatedly caught shopping on-line and playing solitaire. If the problems are not alleviated, the MOD may be forced to remove Robocop from active police service and place him on light administrative duties such as word processing and compiling powerpoint presentations until a solution is found, or Windows 8 is released.