The combined weight of migrant workers arriving on Britain's shores is causing the country to tilt, it was revealed earlier today as areas of Kent were violently rocked by a small earthquake.
Occurring at approximately 2am, the 4.3-Magnitude quake caused teacups to rattle and flocks of ceramic ducks to fall off living room walls across the county.
Moments after the chaos had ended, dozens of locals began gathering outside the home of a family of Bulgarian plumbers who had recently moved to the area, demanding an explanation for the tremor.
"It's simple physics, isn't it?" said Janet Spitt, a disgruntled local who canvassed for Ukip in the recent election. "If you have a long, slender thing and put enough weight on one corner of it, it'll tip over.
"The foreigners are clearly to blame here – if any more of them come, we're all liable to end up in the sea!"
The angry mob was quickly dispersed by police and the incident ended without violence. Police did assure local residents, however, that they would be investigating claims of people feeling "a bit lopsided" since the tremor and that a special hotline would be set up for anyone concerned that they might inadvertently slide off the end of the country in their sleep.
