US President Barack Obama has warned the American public that the British people’s compulsion for round the clock drinking may harm ties between the two countries.
American news networks have been showing endless footage of drunken English people falling down outside nightclubs in Nottingham and picking fights outside fast food takeaways in Bristol.
The Fox Network reported: “In America, you might not be surprised to see this sort of behaviour after a graduation or some mass redundancies, but in England this is how they spend every hour of the day. We call it an affront to a civilised society; they call it a night out.”
The President said “British Petroleum has controlled its operations in the United States like an intoxicated driver on a busy freeway. If an oil rig is anything like a car then it wouldn’t be an unreasonable comparison to say they had driven that oil rig across people’s lawns, crashed through a fence, hit a senior citizen and ploughed into a neighbor’s swimming pool. And they are continuing to pump crude oil into that swimming pool, while grinning like an inebriated idiot.”
Several Democrats on Capitol Hill backed a claim that the BP oil spill in the Gulf was caused by a drunken Englishman coming in late at night and attempting to make a cooked breakfast using the rig’s pressure controls.
In Britain, the Commons Foreign Affairs committee said it was ‘disappointed’ by what it referred to as ‘knee-jerk Brit-bashing’.
Committee chairman Michael Gibson said, “If all English people are incompetent alcoholics how come Alan Rickman was able to seize control of the Nakatomi Tower so easily? What, he was German? Ah, no wonder Bruce Willis was able to thwart his plans.”
Defending the special relationship between Britain and the United States, Mr Cameron repeatedly told the President he loved him and that he was his best mate before pitching face first through a hedge on the White House lawn.