Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has been forced to clarify a 'long-standing personal opinion', voiced during Prime Minister's questions this week. Mr Clegg is leading PMQs for the final two sessions before the summer recess, but he lashed out at Jack Straw, standing in for acting opposition leader Harriet Harman, after Clegg was asked by a Conservative back-bencher to provide details of 'what he did on his holidays'.
Clegg replied the he was 'happy to account for' everything he had done during the coalition government and held up some crayon pictures 'that he done all by himself', delivering an accompanying message which he has been working on for some time including 'Mummy and Daddy drived me in the car to Tenby zoo and I seen the zebras' and 'for my tea I had chips and sausage and beans and sauce and then I played outside and then I cleaned my teeth and then I went to bed the end'.
It was his closing statement which caught the government by surprise, however, saying that Straw would have to account for his role in the 'disastrous' decision to hold the Labour party conference in Brighton. Clegg claimed the conference had made his previous family holiday, taken in the seaside town last October, 'turn to crap' after 'that fat fuck Prescott' apparently devoured the contents of every beach-front ice cream van and burger stall in just one sitting.
Foreign Secretary William Hague, who formally backed Brighton in the race to host the 2012 Olympic Games, said that it was 'certainly true' that his visits to Brighton were 'different' to Mr Clegg's 'well known and widely documented' dislike of the seaside town. He stated that the Chilly Cot enquiry, examining a draught which may have affected Clegg's 'beddy-byes' during his stay, would continue to investigate the background to the Deputy PM's poor experience, and he described claims that Clegg was kept awake through the use of 'cheaper, lower absorbency nappies' as an 'unsubstantiated rumour'.