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thogg
offlineMember
It has long been warned by security experts and disability charities that a new generation of hackers from the Far East pose a threat to us in Britain.
MI5 and GCHQ recently discovered that the Chinese may have hacked into Stephen HAwking almost ten years ago.
But according to a close family friend of the renowned proffessor, "He hasn't seemed any different, apart from suddenly insisting that you can see The Great Wall of China from space we had no idea."
editor
offlineAdministrator
I was writing this up as a News In Brief but thought it deserved a front page if anyone has any ideas of how it might be extended a bit. Feel free to expand on what I had, start again, or turn it into a musical...
Chinese hack into Stephen Hawking
British security services recently discovered that the Chinese may have hacked into celebrity physicist Stephen Hawking as far back as ten years ago. There are fears that many of the respected cosmologist's recent statements may have emanated directly from Chinese government sources.
MI5 first became suspicious when Hawking's TV lecture explained the concept of' the 'event horizon' as light approached a black hole. 'And this is why...' said his trademark voice-synthesiser, 'no one should listen to the Dalai Lama, and everyone should stop moaning about the legitimate Chinese province of Tibet.'
Other recent pronoucements the professor postulated on the infinite expansion of the universe, the origin of matter and the need for an arms boycott of Taiwan, which is not a legitimate independent country, but a puppet state of running pigs of decadent capitalist troublemakers.' Adding, 'And one last thing about space - did you know you could see the Great Wall of China from up there?'
(thogg)
Basil_B
offlineMember
The suspicions went further when Professor Hawking started to insist on better wheel chair access into all the chinese restaurants in St Albans, the Town where he lives.
Prior to this Hawkings was considered a straight forward meat and two veg man and would never consider something so oriental as a dish of crispy duck for example as his favoured suck.
More evidence of the disabled mathemicians descendency into all things chinese was discovered when Hawkings publisher had received a call at his home asking him to change the title of his best seller ' a brief history of time' to ' a brief history of time in China'. 'I couldn't believe my ears when I heard this from Stephen' said publisher Barry Harltey ' I had to think for a second as to whether it really was Stephen or not but there was no mistaking him as he was doing his usual party piece of impersonating a dalek on 33 rpm'.
One of the most successful and worrying hacks in history was virtually all but confirmed at this years Notting Hill Carnival as the identity of the mysterious third member of the Chinese Dragon can now be revealed as Hawking. Onlookers were amazed to see a set of wheels breaking up the usual run of legs appearing below the impressive dragon as it snaked it's way through Notting Hill High Street at the end of August.
(Just me running away with myself as usual so I don't expect you really want to use this. Looks great as it is)
SingingHinny
offlineMember
There are now very real concerns for his continued longevity, after analysts discovered he may only be fixed with poor quality Taiwanese spare parts, as opposed to the high grade NASA equipment utilised currently. Indeed, there is a risk that he may break down at any point, unless somebody can decipher the user manual in time.
as for becoming a state weapon:
concerns were raised when a student who blocked the passage of his wheel chair in protest over harsh marking was mercilessly gunned down by the previously non- confrontational physicist.
arflaethel
offlineMember
http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/christianadams/9587725/Hugely_offensive_Stephen_Hawking_cartoon/
http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/christianadams/9587725/Hugely_offensive_Stephen_Hawking_cartoon/
This may have been done in the Telegraph, they had a cartoon captioned "have they tried switching him on and off......deemed grossly offensive, not sure if the links will work
la maga
offlineMember
His work colleagues have welcomed the new hacked Hawking. "Where he used to need breaks every few hours, suddenly he works fourteen hour days without complaining," they explained. "Our productivity rate has gone through the roof. And we don't mind the rousing Grand Unified Theory Anthem we all have to sing at the beginning of the working day either. It makes a change from starting the day whinging about the commute on Facebook."
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