The celebrities given free holidays on BBC Travel shows may be rich, but they're not privileged enough to mortify the viewers, says a new inquiry.
As the BBC comes under fire from critics, the organisation has responded by setting up an internal review. BBC governors, concerned that its travel and holiday programmes seem to be a vehicle for giving freebies to minor celebrities and people who've already got enough riches thank you, have launched an investigation.
"We shouldn't be using tax payer's money to take minor celebrities on free holidays," said a BBC governor, "We should be taking major celebs."
In future, only people with serious, F*** off money should be allowed freebies, says a new report. It's annoying to see someone who doesn't need a freebie being indulged with an all expenses paid stay at a luxury resort, investigators found. But it would be so much better if the recipient was an annoying arrogant rich git who wouldn't really appreciate the tax payer's largese anyway. Mr and Mrs Little England are not being insulted comprehensively enough, the report concluded. "We're not taking the mickey enough. Unless we really push the boat out and insult people, we are failing in our duty as public service programme makers," said one producer, "which is to challenge people's assumptions and shake them out of their complacency."
The report gave BBC producers and directors a new directive for getting a reaction from the public. Under the new Dentist Chair Directive, creatives have been told to imagine the BBC viewer is a dental patient. "The best way to get a reaction is to find a nerve, and keep drilling into it," says the report. "That'll challenge their middle england assumptions, and rock the bastards out of their complacency!"