The inspiring promise of the coalition's Big Society has been taken up by Lincoln's Inn's barristers who will run their own court, funded by central financing for national crown courts.
'My learned friends and I have all the expertise necessary,' explained Jasper Aubuthnot, a senior Bencher. 'Plaintiffs can expect a swift and sympathetic hearing, the equivalent of private medicine. Enhancements – status, money, wives – or reductions – enemies, employees, wives – will be handled painlessly and invisibly. Anything embarrassing can be surgically removed with no tell-tale marks.
Other groups are expected to follow suit. In Bradford, Sharia courts will be extended, while the Queen is said to be negotiating the use of Windsor for certain American cases. 'One imagines it will appeal to Hollywood stars who want a suitable backdrop for their divorce proceedings,' said a Palace spokesman. 'A nice little earner.'
MPs have promised to fast-track the Lincoln's Inn court, as it will be needed for the plethora of discrimination suits set to arise from the new legislation. Off record, a Bencher was heard to remark that he would be 'laughing all the way to the bank – will that make me the court jester?'