The government has released details of planned changes to road traffic legislation, granting non-emergency vehicles the same road privileges as the emergency services 'provided they cough up'. The new road fund license fee structure comprises the two usual tiers of 'exorbitant' 6-month and 'extortionate' 12-month licenses, but will also incorporate an 'upper-class' level, with leaked figures putting the top-level law-flouting license at 'around fifty thousand pounds'.
Initially mooted several years ago as a potential time-saver for refuse trucks, milkmen and other non-emergency services, the 'madcap Labour scheme' has been drastically changed by the coalition government. 'We feel that allowing the privileges currently enjoyed by ambulances, fire engines and drivers of non-liveried company vehicles to be 'bought' by 'normal' people will be a huge benefit to the economy, at the meagre price of a few lives here and there,' said transport secretary Philip Hammond. 'We considered a lower fee, but it would become much too commonplace if it were cheaper, which would spoil the point somewhat. Oh, and I must emphasise that my Top-Gear-presenting sibling has had no influence over the decision what-so-ever.'