The UKIP Election Manifesto has pledged to restore the British Marathon and Opal Fruit brands as part of their campaign to reverse what they call a "foreign conspiracy [to] ... rebrand all our beloved product names to things that sound stupid when we ask for them in a shop"
"It's gone too far", Nigel Farage said at a Campaign stop in Toxteth. "First they came for our Treets, and we were silent. Then they took our Marathon and gave us a Snickers, and we did nothing. And Opal Fruits! Our poor Opal Fruits! Are Starburst made to make your mouth water? No. They're not."
A spokesperson for David Cameron said that while the UKIP had every right to complain about these unfortunate rebranding incidents, the UKIP should recognise that this government has made great progress in issues that really matter to the British public, singling out the successful return of Monster Munch pieces to their pre-1990 size - as pledged in the Conservatives' 2010 Manifesto. "I promise in a second term Conservative government that Wagon Wheels will return to dinner-plate size, along with foot-long Curly Wurlys, as they always were when we were kids."
Ed Miliband said that neither UKIP nor the Tories could be trusted with the future of Britain's beloved snack brands as he took a disappointing bite out of a Creme Egg.
