The Prime Minister David Cameron has reportedly found a painting in the attic of Number 10 Downing Street that portrays the state of Tony Blair's soul. "Even I was shocked," he confided to a close confidant. "He isn't even a man any more, not in that painting. There's nothing left of him but a bloody demonic maw gaping open to receive money and prizes. I mean, I knew being Prime Minister could leave people looking a bit ropey but this thing is utterly repulsive."
Sources say the Prime Minister barely made it down the steep stairway from the attic before collapsing in his office, making himself a gin and tonic with very little tonic, and ordering his assistant to contact the artist who painted Blair. "Let's face it," one aide later said, "If you're going to let your soul become utterly corrupted by your office, it's best not to let people know it's happening to you. I mean, you'd all get the painting, right?"