BNP leader Nick Griffin has hit out at lax border controls which are causing 20,000 foreign birds to enter the UK every week. “It starts off with a family of thrushes from Poland” said Griffin, “but word soon gets around about all the seasons packed into a single day and the fruit picking jobs. Before you know it, there are winged immigrants everywhere, demanding handouts, like mixed nuts and stale crusts.”
There has been backlash in some communities, like in Slough, Berkshire, where working class birds have complained they can’t get social nesting boxes due to the influx of refugee cuckoos, who are then laying their eggs to get British passports for their chicks. A tattooed starling, who preferred not to be named, said: “they come over here, working harder for less seed, ringing out deafening tunes at 4am which keep me awake. I am accused of racism, but I’ll tell you this: some of my best friends are blackbirds”.
But Griffin says it is the Ornithological Health Service where resources are most overstretched. “They are flying over the Channel with broken wings to get treatment and the system is almost at breakdown point. Birds of prey aren’t innocent in all of this either. There are bloody ‘ill eagles’ everywhere.”
Coalition government spokesman Nick Clegg explained that “Dave says I’m in charge of this! Isn’t that brilliant? Yipee! Erm, yes, sorry, we are trying to cut down on the flocking mentality of birds to stop them entering UK waters in such big numbers by encouraging them to think for themselves. There is nothing so hideous as one at the front making a decision and the rest of a group just mindlessly following behind meekly for the ride”.