The world financial services industry was thrown into crisis last night as it emerged that the Cayman Islands, home to 80,000 companies and $1.5tn in banking liabilities, don't actually exist.
The shocking discovery comes at a time when the tax affairs of the wealthy have never been under greater scrutiny, and was made by Professor Reginald Spencer of the Royal Geographical Society, who decided to look for the islands on a map. "I started by searching for them on Google Maps, but it didn't recognise the search term, instead directing me to 'Cayman Removals Ltd' on Haringey Green Lanes", he explained.
"So I searched in several atlases at the Royal Geographical Society, all of them painstakingly and impeccably researched, but none had any evidence of a place called the 'Cayman Islands' ever existing."
"It appears that what was thought to be a self-governing British Overseas Territory charging neither income nor corporation tax, has just developed from urban legend into the world's second-largest Offshore Financial Centre."
And the revelation spells bad news for the thousands of wealthy individuals and businesses who have set up trust funds on the fictional islands, who now face the prospect of having to pay for services like the police, who protect their wealth and property twenty-four hours a day. Jonathan Harmsworth, 4th Viscount Rothermere and owner of the Daily Mail newspaper, said, "I've registered several trust funds in the Cayman Islands so I don't have to pay any tax on my inherited wealth, allowing me to maintain generous profit margins on blaming immigrants for the squeeze on hospital and school places, and for not working for their money. I've done this in the belief that this tropical island actually existed somewhere in the world making the whole thing legal. Now it looks like I'll have to transfer my operations to Bermuda."
"And I'll be sure to check Bermuda is a real place this time!", he quipped.
And Prime Minister David Cameron had strong words for the people who have, as it turns out, illegally evaded billions of pounds in tax by registering companies in the made up place. "We advise these people to pay back the money they've stolen whenever they're ready", he said.