A Canterbury woman has been referred to a national counselling service after her football addicted husband, who disappeared at the start of the 2010 World Cup, suddenly reappeared several weeks later. 'After spending nearly two weeks grieving and coming to terms with my tragic loss, I nearly jumped out of my skin when Paul appeared in the kitchen,' revealed Claire Boulter, 28. 'He just stumbled in looking dishevelled and pale, blinking in the sunlight,' she explained. 'I thought I was looking at a ghost!' After mumbling a brief 'sorry love, I must have nodded off', Mrs Boulter says her husband then 'traipsed upstairs for his usual shit, shower and shave'.
Boulter initially believed that her husband had absconded to South Africa to witness the prestigious sporting event. 'That wouldn't have been too bad I suppose - he really does like his football, but when England flew home after about five minutes and he still hadn't returned I knew something was up. In desperation I opened his latest credit card bill, but there was nothing in the way of airplane tickets to Johannesburg or purchases from foreign wind instrument stores - in fact nothing since the pallet of budget lager and frozen pizzas he'd bought from Aldi just before the opening ceremony. It was as-if he'd disappeared from the face of the earth.'
Bereft of her husband, Claire was forced to seek solace, turning to her neighbour and close friend for support. 'I was so upset at the loss, but luckily Jeff was there to support me,' she explained. 'It was he who found the remote control one evening, and turned the TV volume down. As soon as it was muted we heard a noise - which it turns out was Paul snoring - from under the collection of crisp packets and bottles of Budweiser in the front room that I'd been putting off cleaning up as I'd ... errm ... been ... busy. I forget quite how it happened, but we managed to become too distracted to investigate - probably by the utterly enthralling final series of Big Brother or something.'
Neighbour Jeff Seiber, Mrs Boulter's 'soulmate' throughout the shocking episode, was said to be 'caught off guard' at the return of her husband, quickly retiring to his own home via an upstairs window and some handy trellis. Paul Boulter is said to be blaming 'a thoroughly lacklustre World Cup from start to finish' for the unfortunate lack of motivation and long episodes of inactivity he experienced - an excuse which has reportedly been noted for future use by members of the England football squad.
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