Obama Mistakes Kim Jong-un for former US Attorney General Janet Reno
The FBI and other US Intelligence agencies revealed to President Barack Obama the identity of a California boy who is alleged to be single-handedly responsible for nearly a full day of internet outage that affected all of North Korea on December 27th. Obama, in an effort to ease tensions brought about by this issue as well as the well-publicized Sony hacking incident agreed to an unprecedented meeting with North Korean leader, Kim Jong-un.
Janet Reno, former U.S. Attorney General, was brought in due to her experience with the apprehension and prosecution of children. In perhaps his most embarrassing faux pas ever, Obama opened the meeting addressing Kim Jong-un as Janet Reno.
Josh Earnest, White House Press Secretary later advised that it was an understandable mistake as the President and First Lady, Michelle Obama have worked closely with transgender rights groups in the past few months. He also noted that Kim left the room “shrieking like a little girl.”
Unlike Kim Jong-un, Janet Reno maintained her masculine composure following the President’s transgression. She mollified Obama by launching into a shameless self-promotion of her youth-obsession which she said started with the failed prosecution of Bobby Fijnje in 1989. 13 year old Bobby stood accused of molesting 21 children in his care during Presbyterian Church services. The prosecution failed to produce any witnesses and Bobby was acquitted of all charges. His family was forced to flee the country for refuge in Holland.
Reno’s most famous exploit was the unsuccessful raid of the Branch Davidian Compound in Waco, Texas in 1993. A total of 76 compound members including many children were killed in this horrific end to a long stand-off.
Less deadly, but just as passionate was the raid of the Elian Gonzalez home Easter Weekend of 2000. Reno again set out to prove her mantra of not putting up with any nonsense from anyone, including children. Nearly 150 federal agents were involved in the siege of the tiny Gonzalez home in Miami, Florida. It is rumored that the Reno home is graced with a framed copy of the 2001 Pulitzer Prize winning photograph of heavily armed agents taking custody of the terrified 6 year old Cuban boy.
Further disgrace was brought on the White House when it was discovered that the California boy suspected of shutting down North Korea’s internet had already left the country. Following a wikileaks newsfeed tip, his family followed in the footsteps of the Bobby Fijnje family and fled to Holland. Kim Jong-un himself is suspected of creating the leak.