As part of the Lib-Con power-sharing agreement, it has been revealed that Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg will be responsible for the first two Prime Minister's questions after the summer recess. In what is being billed as 'a welcome change of pace', Clegg has indicated that the question-and-answer sessions under his aegis will take on a more personal tone, following the theme 'what I did on my holidays'.
According to leaked notes, Clegg will hold up some crayon pictures 'that he done all by himself' and deliver an accompanying message which he has been working on for some time, including 'mummy and daddy drived me in the car to the zoo and i seen the zebras' and 'for my tea i had chips and sausage and beans and sauce and then i played outside and then i cleaned my teeth and then i went to bed the end'. Members of the opposition will be invited to challenge the ruling coalition on how many seashells Clegg managed to collect and, in a special hands-on session, inspect the deputy PM's snapshots of Tenby 'including the dinosaur park and everything'.
Acting opposition leader Harriet Harman has joined with senior right-wing Tories in denouncing Clegg's intention as 'un-parliamentary' and says that his typically slow, faltering reading-out-loud will use up most, if not all, of the allotted half-hour slot. 'Clegg's 'news' is hardly of national importance,' she said, 'and none of us cares how much work he's been putting into it or how much he cries or throws a tantrum'. Harman will make an official complaint to the parliamentary ombudsman next week, followed by a specially-convened show and tell session before the 1922 committee, in a meeting 'likely to involve her pet hamster'.
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