[insert plain picture of ice lolly stick]
First she changed the face of rock and roll. Then she revolutionised the fashion world. Now iconic design legend Vivienne Westwood is set to capture the zeitgeist in one of Britain's last bastions of cosy middle class conceit - lolly stick design. If Westwood's team of design gurus get their way - and who is going to stop them? - the frozen drink on a bourgeois stick could become a thing of the past. And about time too.
[MORE SOON, ONCE I'VE LOOKED UP THE SPELLING OF BOURGEOIS]
Cheap tawdry Mivvies, Orange Maids and Funny Faces will be consigned to the dustbin of history, where they'll join the Dodo, Dinosaurs and the orderly bus queue. A new generation of frozen drinks on a stick will make possession of a 'lolly' the source of shame, every bit as unfashionable as a Croydon post code or an interest in science.
Soon door staff at the Groucho Club will be specially trained to spot someone who looks like a lolly fancier and to turn them away. Because team Westwood's mold breaking designs for frozen drinks on a stick will change the way we think about everything, from the way we vote, who we have sex with and which cliques to aspire to.
Though the details are under wraps, Westwood's design team intend to focus mainly on the lolly stick, the form and function of which hasn't changed fundamentally for decades. Westwood intends to re-invent the genre in challenging new ways. Tearing up the book on lolly stick design could invite all kinds of fury on the house of Westwood, especially from The Establishment. "The Establishment has always used lollies to keep people in their place, making plans for Nigel," said millionaire pop impressario Rupert Ponsonby, lead singer of XTC, on the way from dropping his kids off at Eton. "They're not going to take it lying down if some creative genius comes along and tries to rock the boat."