New research by a digital marketing agency has confirmed what many wise young people knew all along - the classics sucked and Dickens, Shakespeare and the other lot would fail miserably in today's online market place.
'William Shakespeare wouldn't last two minutes in today's competitive landscape,' said digital marketing expert Leo Lapside, 'our clickthrough data confirms that. None of his prose shouts 'buy me', and there's no cross brand fertilisation. he wouldn't get bean bag space in MY agency, that's for sure.'
Lapside was equally damning of Dickens - 'best of times, worst of times? Oh puh-lease, make your mind up! the market needs clear signals - and poets such as Wilfred Owen - 'er hello? where'#s the brand alignment?
'None of these so called classic writers could write what I call compelling content,' said Lapside
But he did recognise the talents of the philosopher Socrates. 'The guy could write dialogue, and customer dialogues are increasingly important if brands are to maintain their reputation.'