The coalition government has announced in Parliament the setting up of a department to find uses for minor celebrities . "It has come to our notice the strain on resources that these so called celebrities make . We in the government are looking for ideas," said government spokesman Thomas Thomason . " If you look at this chart you can see that Big Brother housemates themself use at least five resources ,six if you count eye strain and give back nothing ."
One controversial proposal concerns Kate Price . "Oh ,yes i like that one . Between stupid perfumes and weddings more tacky than a sticky pad with honey and glue on the back she is becomes more and more embarrassing . A secret report which i'm not mean't to tell you about so not a word to anyone revealled something frightning . With in the next five Katie price will be so vacuuous that we all will suffacate through the lack of air ."
"The interesting thing is we had another such dangerous vacuum in the past in the shape of Jade Goodey . We saw the results when she caught cancer , young women were falling over themselves to get cervical scans . This proved to government departments that resources are wasted on expensive advertising campaigns to warn about the dangerousness of certain health concerns nobody takes a blind bit of notice .They just moan about the nanny state and keep on doing it till they die of it ."
" So we are making a list of dangerous health concerns and will be inflicting minor celebrities, starting with Katie Price with them .In return they get all the moneymaking publicity their little hearts desire .And it will built when one celebrity gets a ailment the next one will want a worse one and so on and so...."
It was at this point that Thomas Thomasson was replaced and put on gardening leave .